The ‘talk show war’ is still in full swing, but this TV week is marked by another titanic battle between rambling men. At least five football talk shows can be seen in a 24-hour period, and then we count Today Inside not even with it yet. On Monday evenings alone, we are spoiled with three (!) simultaneously broadcast football talk shows. We understand that you can’t see the woods for the balls. High time for the Great Football Talk Show Kijkwijzer.
What: Studio Football (NPO1)
the format: five men sit at a table and talk about Xavi Simons, Erik ten Hag and Steven Bergwijn.
Plus: the proverbs of Ibrahim Afellay.
min: the absence of public.
The lure: Arno Vermeulen who explains what a French wasp looks like, and emphasizes that French wasps are not lemonade wasps.
Survival rate: 10/10. Indispensable on Sunday evenings and Arno Vermeulen: that should be enough.
What: VTBL (RTL7)
the format: four men sit at a table and talk about Xavi Simons, Erik ten Hag and Steven Bergwijn.
Plus: ‘the very best analysts in the world’ (dixit presenter Simon Zijlemans): Jan ‘what are you complaining about?’ Boskamp, Theo Janssen, Hedwiges Maduro.
min: No pretzels on the table. A mortal sin.
the lure: the most committed audience since The Evening Show with Arjen Lubach.
Survival rate: 2/10. Good content, but disastrous viewing figures and little face.
What: Veronica Offside (Veronica).
the format: four men sit at a table and talk about Xavi Simons, Erik ten Hag and Steven Bergwijn.
Plus: Jackal Erik, always good.
min: Andy van der Meijde and Wesley Sneijder at one table. Laughing and roaring, but also a bit as if you have ordered two special frikadellen on a whim at the snack bar and halfway through you start to doubt the meaning of life.
the lure: Andy van der Meijde who says that Hugo Borst ‘can borrow his genitals for a while’.
Survival rate: 8/10. Dicks, flat jokes and an overdose of testosterone: that sounds like a guaranteed success for Veronica.
What: Rondo (Ziggo Sports)
the format: five men sit at a table and talk about Xavi Simons, Erik ten Hag and Steven Bergwijn.
Plus: images of Marco van Basten on a plastic unicorn in the sea.
min: no Aad de Mos .
The lure: holiday photos of Jan van Halst and Youri Mulder.
Survival rate: 7/10. Put Ruud Gullit at a table and everyone gets stuck.
What: football talk (ESPN)
the format: four men sit at a table and talk about Xavi Simons, Erik ten Hag and Steven Bergwijn.
Plus: Jan Joost van Gangelen who pronounces HA-GEL-NEW as only he can.
min: a lot of telephone noise.
the lure: the guests are seated at the same table, but are divided into separate ‘compartments’ for completely unclear reasons.
Survival rate: 8/10. Also great to listen to as a podcast.
Still choice stress? Then comfort yourself with the thought that you can always go to at least fifty Dutch football podcasts.