Today it is difficult. I just don’t know where to start. This column, the “Parole Brandi”, ends here on this online platform, and it will be exciting.
When I got the news that the collaboration with ROLLING STONE would also end at the end of 2025, I felt a momentary tingle in my throat. I remembered how disbelieving and stunned I was when Rocko got me this spot here and Maik Brüggemeyer assured me that I would also have a “free choice of topic”. What an awesome job it is that please, Did I think back then that I would get money for being allowed to write about whatever I wanted twice a month? There isn’t.
There was, and I just wrote what I wanted about. An absolute dream job for a musician who rarely enjoys this regularity of assignments and remuneration.
A friend said to me: “Yeah, you have the classic female imposter syndrome. It’s just not in our DNA that we deserve such a mouthpiece.” And she may actually be right about that. Men also write this and that and are firmly convinced that what they have to say is always incredibly relevant.
Perhaps taking this matter a little more seriously has really done me personally good and allowed me to grow enormously inside.
Life and writing
It was only through writing that I saw what was actually going on in my life. What I have experienced, what really interests me and how I see things. I went through all the columns for this text again and found a person who, judging by her topics, has a relatively broad interest in the world and also moves in and out between, I would say, “quiet” and rather “loud” topics.
I wrote down my quiet thoughts about capitalism, but also about my relationship with drummers, about medieval music, Emperor Nero, Viennese apartment tours, resuscitation playlists, martial arts, football, an internship with the Tyrolean gnomes, a visit to a Cologne shaman, about what Karl Marx would say to Spotify and apparently several times about Taylor Swift, several times about dragons and several times about the Dortmund theater.
But it’s not just these topics that teach me something about myself.
Find your own voice
My entire relationship with the world only emerges when I write about small and large experiences. Only thinking about it creates your own point of view. Telling is always self-revelation. Anyone who tells stories always first and foremost invents the narrative voice. And that’s probably the real hurdle. Once you find that voice, you can basically write about anything.
But having a voice is also delicate and vulnerable. Because the tone in which we talk about things not only reflects on ourselves, it also separates the wheat from the chaff on the outside. It attracts those who feel addressed and repels those who don’t. For example, when I write the column, I realize that I have a completely different voice than when I speak. I prefer semantics here that I would never use verbally and that alone is crazy.
From the column to the novel
But I have even more to thank this slot for. Last but not least, this column is mine Debut novel developed. Another bewilderment that I haven’t fully understood yet. And in this novel, too, I first had to invent a voice again, and that’s an undertaking that probably feels a bit like Tolkien inventing Elvish. David Foster Wallace once said that his books are not suitable for reading aloud, only for reading yourself. I only now understand this difference, thanks to the letter.
I don’t always want to be me. Or to put it another way: I want to be more than the prison of the person I speak. Really. I want to expand, think differently and make stupid jokes – and yes, convoluted sentences have to be allowed from time to time. I don’t believe that there are only people out there who experience the world in short sentences. Nothing against short main sentences! And of course – our brains are mush, there’s nothing to sugarcoat about it anymore. But like all pseudo-nerds who have never seen the inside of a lecture hall, I take care of my complexes by simply aggressively putting my complexity out there, to you, into your heads, where I then hope to be in good hands.
The internal order
By the way, I had to quickly swallow the fear of coming across as stupid and uneducated, but it helped to read through other columns and realize that much more established authors go out to readers with sometimes quite “generic” texts – so writing is always a question of self-confidence. So: escape forward. As always in art.
And it organizes me too. My head likes to jump from thought to thought, but as soon as I have a heading over a text, it internally commits me to that topic, then I have, in a sense, made a promise. And I think I expressed myself quite clearly, for example when it comes to Taylor Swift or capitalism – thanks to this format.
The most important ingredients for a good reputation
The privilege of being able to write whatever I wanted raised me as a writer. Since then, I have tried to pay attention to which topics need a voice. My best experience with the column was when I had to write a passionate text about why Dortmund urgently needs its current theater and found out afterwards that this text is now hanging on the bulletin board in the theater. In my opinion, the Dortmund Theater in Dortmund is not given enough credit by the press, but its approach and location are unique in the country. The act of committing to this inclusive, anti-racist theater through a column has further strengthened my stance.
Last but not least, the room in which the “Parole” took place was a seal of quality. Mighty Magazine believes in me. When people find out that I write for ROLLING STONE, something changes in their eyes and I immediately feel that I now have their respect, their envy and their resentment – the three most important ingredients of a good reputation.
So I’ve traveled my own life since starting the column, invented several languages, learned to curate topics and thoughts, and made steady money at the same time.
The column has simply made me a better person and secured my financial situation.
It goes on!
Now you could say (and a voice in me says that too): All good things come to an end, be grateful bitch, blah blah blah.
I know and I am.
But – for all the reasons mentioned above, I unfortunately have absolutely no insight into abandoning this format here, I have to admit quite honestly.
And that’s why I simply decided against it.
If you liked my texts, I would like to invite you to join me from now on via the STEADY platform. From now on you can continue reading the “Parole Brandi” there for a tiny monthly contribution. If you like it and would like to support me, please recommend the account and invite people to follow me.
I would like to thank ROLLING STONE for these wonderful two years! My special thanks go again to Rocko Schamoni, who recommended me, and Maik Brüggemeyer, who was a stoic, competent and tasteful editor on whom I could always rely.
Peace!
Let’s move on here!