Recommendations of the Editorial team
“Kevin Home Alone” has been one of the absolute Christmas film classics for decades now. You can read why this is so HERE. One reason for this is that the comedy is packed with weird and sometimes even downright wise people sayings. We have the best Kevin quotes compiled.
Threatened
Kevin McCallister: “This is my house – and I will defend it!”
Enlightened (Les Incompétents)
Linnie McCallister: “You know, the French call it ‘Les Incompétents’.”
Enlightened II (Fuller)
Linnie: “PS: You’ll sleep in a folding bed with Fuller. If he’s had a drink, he’ll wet the bed.”
Kevin: “This house is so full of people, it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I’ll live alone. Did you hear me? I live alone!”
Enlightened III (Naked Beaches)
Rod McCallister: “Who’s going to feed the spider when we’re gone?”
Buzz McCallister: “She just had a load of mouse innards, enough for two weeks. Is it true that French girls don’t shave their legs?”
Rod: “Not a couple.”
Buzz: “But they have nude beaches?”
Rod: “Not in the winter.”
Trouble
Kate McCallister to her son after the pizza turmoil: “There are 15 people in this house and you’re the only one who has to cause trouble.”
Idiots
Kate: “Then wish for a new family from Santa Claus.”
Kevin McCallister: “I don’t want a new family, I don’t want a family at all. Family sucks!”
Kate: “You go up there! I don’t want to see you for the rest of the evening.”
Kevin: “I don’t want to see you anymore either. For the rest of my life. And I don’t want to see any of the others either.”
Kate: “I hope you’re not serious. You’d be pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and didn’t have a family anymore.”
Kevin: “No, I wouldn’t be.”
Kate: “Then say it again. Maybe it will happen.”
Kevin: “I hope I never see any of you idiots again.”
Desired
Kevin states, “I made my family disappear!”
Alone in Buzz’s room
Kevin: “Buzz! I’m going through your private things. You better come over here and spank me!”
Johnny and the pizza delivery boy
Johnny: “Hey, I’ll give you time until I count to ten. Then you’ll get off my property with your ugly, yellow shit face. Before the lead holes you. One… two… ten!”
Cheese pizza
Kevin after a successful order: “A beautiful cheese pizza just for me!”
wart
Buzz McCallister to Kevin: “I wouldn’t sleep in the same room as you if you were a wart on my ass.”
Mortuary
Harry: “Hey, you gotta pay better attention to the traffic, kid. You hear that?”
Kevin: “Sorry.”
Harry: “Damn.”
Marv: “Santa Claus isn’t coming to the morgue, my friend.”
Age wise
Marley: “You can be too old for many things, but not to be afraid.”
Viewpoints
Harry: “Why the hell are you taking your shoes off?”
Marv: “Why the hell do you look like a chicken?”
Nicholas exposed
Kevin: “I know you’re not the real Santa Claus.”
Santa Claus actor: “How did you come up with that? Just out of curiosity.”
Kevin: “I’m old enough and I know what’s going on.”
Santa Claus actor: “Look at it.”
Kevin: “But I also know you work for him.”
Reading glasses
Frank McCallister to mother Kate McCallister when he finds out that Kevin has stayed home: “If it helps you in any way: I forgot my reading glasses.”
Alone – but not lost
Kevin to the curious cashier who asks why he is standing alone at the checkout: “Ma’am, I’m eight years old and you think I’m alone here? That’s not possible…”
Dinosaur pajamas
Kevin on unwanted gifts: “I have a friend who got beaten up because someone said he had dinosaur pajamas.”
Last Supper (before the battle)
Kevin: “Dear God, please bless this nutritious 5 minute microwave macaroni and cheese and the one she sold me so cheaply.”
Just bored
Peter McCallister: “What else did you do while we were away?”
Kevin: “Just bored”
Purchased
Kevin sums up his time alone: “I bought eggs, milk and some white laundry.”