“That was such a slap in the face: it was more about the perpetrator,” the abuse victim says about the Protestant Church

How should the Protestant Church in the Netherlands (PKN) deal with victims of abuse? In 1999 – 26 years ago – the churches that eventually merged into the PKN were already clear about this: sexual abuse is a sin and the church must unequivocally take the side of the victim.

In practice, this does not always appear to work. Victims sometimes do not feel heard or have the idea that the perpetrator, for example a preacher, is being held over the head by the church.

The pastor abused her while she was being treated for cancer

The BNNVARA podcast was published in September Cursing in the Church by journalists Maarten Dallinga and Ellen van den Berg. In it, three women talk about how they were abused by authority figures within the PKN. The synod, the highest governing body of the PKN, has been working on a policy for victims for some time. some steps were taken to this end. For example, every church congregation must appoint two confidential counselors: a man and a woman. Since July this year, a vog (declaration of conduct) has also been mandatory for both employees and volunteers of local congregations within the Protestant church.

But the church is not there yet.

Vulnerable

Last month, the synod discussed the victim policy memorandum, the intended precursor to the final policy. In addition to a summary of the steps already taken, it states, among other things, that victims want recognition

Rita (for the sake of privacy) was abused by her pastor. She tells in Cursing in the Church that the new pastor of her congregation and she were interacting more and more often. , at a time when she was very vulnerable because she was being treated for cancer.

“I would have appreciated it if someone had asked me, as a victim, during the entire process: Rita, what do you actually want?” she says. NRC . “There was a confidential counselor who came to explain the procedure and it soon became clear that the process would concern the perpetrator.” He had to answer for himself during an ecclesiastical court trial. Ultimately, he was suspended due to the abuse. Rita was not a party to the proceedings. “That was such a slap in the face. I am the primary victim here: of course I am a party.”

She believes that the PKN looks too much at the legal and theological perspective. “And not about: how can we work on healing and recovery? If it is about that, it is quickly about forgiveness, because that is an important concept within the Protestant church. But then it is used as a kind of pressure against the victim: just forgive the perpetrator.”

Jesus

affiliated with the Theological University Utrecht (TUU) investigates the procedures surrounding abuse in religious communities. Leon van den Broeke, member of the working group and professor of legal theology and church law at TUU, mentions as the research reason that victims were dissatisfied with how their experiences were handled. “Once a disciplinary procedure has been completed, it appears that the injured party only later thinks: what actually happened to me?” says Van den Broeke. “Or: have I been heard? Sometimes that awareness comes with a delay.”

There is currently no attention for this in church law, says the professor. “This mainly concerns (church) legal processes. Or material aspects such as compensation. There is too little attention for the emotional and relational aspect and the damage that someone suffers.”

Forgiveness, on which church law is based, is indeed important within the gospel of Jesus Christ, says Van den Broeke. “It is part of the identity of the church.” Yet that is precisely where things often go wrong, because victims feel pressured to forgive perpetrators. Van den Broeke: “But forgiveness is only possible if the injured party is ready for it and has control over it. And it also plays a role: has the perpetrator sincerely asked for forgiveness?” He points out that the gospel also values ​​justice and standing up against injustice.

The PKN is not independent because the organization is the employer of the perpetrators

During the synod meeting last month, the chairman of the PKN executive board, Trijnie Bouw, emphasized that the victim comes first. “At the same time, modesty and humility suit us as a synod. Because we do not always manage to live up to these great words.” She bid in September News hour apologizes to the three women Cursing in the Church.

Synod members criticized, among other things, restorative mediation, which receives a lot of attention. The victim and the perpetrator could have a conversation with each other. Rita also does not think that mediation should be given such a major role. “We then miss intermediate steps: independent truth-finding, support, recognition. Much more is needed before you can achieve recovery.”

In addition, Rita believes that an independent party should supervise that process. “The PKN is not independent because the organization is the employer of the perpetrators.”

Reporting point

A spokesperson said that the PKN is working on a broad package of measures in the field of (sexual) abuse in pastoral relationships. Restorative mediation is one of the possible measures. According to the PKN, this becomes possible when “a victim needs it.” In addition to establishing a guardianship and confidential counselors, the PKN has expanded the SMPR (sexual abuse within pastoral relationships) reporting center. It has also trained municipal counselors.

As early as 2022, the synod has called for more action – including in terms of legal, financial and psychological compensation for victims. However, according to the spokesperson, this will take more time than expected, partly because of the theme in recent years.

Victims of abuse in a pastoral relationship leave the church, according to research according to Van den Broeke. According to the professor, churches still have a bad reputation when it comes to dealing with victims. “They were and are not on the side of the injured parties enough, that is how they experience it.”

According to him, prevention is also important. “By creating a safe culture and adequate information provision.” And the realization that church abuse is not just about the victim and the perpetrator. “The entire religious community can be torn apart.”

The Safe Church foundation was established from a number of reporting points to tackle inappropriate behavior within the church (and domestic violence). Secretary Fulco Timmers, also affiliated with the PKN, calls the day of fellow sufferers very important for the victims. “There was room to tell what had happened to them, without being judged.”

Loneliness

Rita has now moved on a few years and moved to another place. The fact that her story was eventually heard by the PKN is due to the fact that she put it on paper. “The church council members did their best, they are also volunteers. But there was simply no room in the protocol.”

She also lacked guidance. Not just for herself, but also for her family. “It also happened to my husband and children.” She herself went to a psychologist, but he could not help her with the spiritual abuse. “What does it mean when someone uses the Bible, God and your faith? And a psychologist cannot deal with the fact that your entire religious community has been turned upside down.”

Rita has not been a member of a church for years – and that feels like a loss

Ultimately, she found that guidance from an organization in the United States that works with experienced experts. “That really made a difference. And I would also wish that for the people who are experiencing it now.”

Rita has not been a member of a church for years – and that feels like a loss. “The church was really my community. My friends were there and my children were baptized there. It is a form of community that you have very little of in society anymore. The loneliness that loss causes is really indescribably great.”

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