PBefore the bouquet, the wedding rings and the photos, there is a moment in which love asks itself: “Do we really know what we are choosing?”. In Milan, the answer is sought in a room of Palazzo Marino, seat of the Municipality, where lawyers and couples meet for a free, secular premarital course that explains what it entailsfrom a legal and practical point of view, the choice to marry or have a civil union. An initiative designed to accompany those who are preparing to say “yes” – or those who are still thinking about it – to also give their love the language of awareness, because understanding the rules of a life together (perhaps) is already a way to take care of it.
«For a conscious yes»: the secular premarital course
The «For a conscious yes» path, promoted by the Municipality of Milan and the Milan Bar Association, is divided into four meetings. The first starts from the basics: who can get marriedi, what are the mutual rights and duties and what is the difference between marriage and civil union (which recognizes and protects same-sex couples). In the second module we talk about natural and adoptive parentingsurname of the children, foster care and medically assisted procreation. The third appointment gets to the heart of everyday life: the property regime. Communion or separation of assets? It’s one of those topics that is often tackled at the last moment, without really knowing what it entails. An hour of clarity on a decision that, more than you think, can change the balance of a couple. In the end, the last meeting – perhaps the most intense – addresses the issues of separation, divorce and child custody. Not to turn off poetry, but to remember that knowing the rules also serves to protect yourself, avoid mistakes and respect yourself more. An approach that responds to a real need. In Italy every year there are over 85 thousand separations and around 70 thousand divorces. In many cases, lack of knowledge of the legal and financial consequences fuels conflicts and disputes. The objective of the course is also this: to prevent, as well as inform.
Love is a daily exercise
“You worry about the flowers, but you have no idea what you’re signing” quips one of the lawyers speaking at the course. The couples laugh, but the invitation is serious: «Marriage comes first. And the first is fundamental: the clearer you are, the longer the union will last.” For this reason, during the meetings, alongside the civil codes, we also talk about women’s work, about shared time, including that dedicated to caring for children and the elderly. Then the final invitation, which is worth more than any legal formula: «Do not be afraid to clarify even the most delicate issues, from the desire to have children to that of not having any, to how to manage money. Have dinner, talk about everything. If one of you receives a job offer in Paris, discuss the impact on the other’s life. And, if necessary, write it down in black and white: understanding what changes in the couple doesn’t take away the romance, it consolidates it. Because love is not just a feeling: it is also a daily exercise in clarity.”
«Do we really know what we are choosing?». In Milan, the answer is sought in the secular and free premarital course organized by the Municipality (Getty)
Different stories, a common thread
Many of the couples have more or less long cohabitation experiences behind them. Like Laura and Niki, who will get married in a few days. Laura’s voice betrays a quiet, lucid emotion. «We lived together for ten years. A condition that, ultimately, equates us to married couples, except for the economic aspects. The issue of inheritance is the one that worries us most: our riches are above all moral, with the sole exception of the house we live in, which we bought together. However, as unmarried people, if one of us were to die, the law would allow only a minimal part of the assets to be left to the partner, while everything else would go to the parents. And the idea that, in addition to the pain, the other person also having to face a hypothetical bureaucratic battle scares us». But ultimately, he adds: “Maybe marriage needs a rebranding, to overcome the bad reputation it brings with it.” He says it smiling, what he means is simple: we need to update its meaning, rewrite its meaning. «It is not a compromise, but a choice of responsibility. A way to reinvent ourselves every day as a family.”
Also discover the practical side of “yes”
Two hundred couples were present or connected online. Different stories, different ages, but a common thread: the desire to really understand what it means to build a life togethereven in its most practical aspects. «We are very concrete» say Sabrina and Alex, who have lived together for three years. «We want to understand how certain things really work: economic management, protection in case of illness, who can decide for the other. We haven’t thought about marriage yet, but today it’s clearer to us what changes, with or without that ‘yes’.” Silvia and Ginevra, on the other hand, both twenty-nine years old, will get married in 2027. They hold hands during lessons and take notes. «We chose to register because, more than the reception or the dress, We are interested in finding out how to protect ourselves as a family. Especially in view of a child» they say. For them, who will unite civilly, awareness has an even deeper value. The law which, in June 2016, introduced the institution of civil union between people of the same sex in Italy it represented an achievement, but also the beginning of a journey of knowledge and rights to be defended day by day. In 2025, in Milan, civil unions represent approximately 6 percent of the total marriages celebrated from January to May (59 out of 929).
Next step, expand the offer
In just over a year, the secular premarital course has gone from being a pilot project to a highly anticipated event. In the first two editions, a total of around 600 people participated. The third, recently concluded, sold out in a few days, a sign of growing interest. A result that surprised even the organizers and which has already led to the programming of the next cycle for March 2026. «The memberships tell us that we have identified a concrete needeffectively filling a void” comments Gaia Romani, councilor for civic and general services of the Municipality of Milan. «It is positive that the Milan initiative has aroused the interest of other administrations: I am thinking, for example, of the Municipalities of Florence and that of Turin, where an agenda to create the first secular premarital course was recently presented. The next step will be to expand the offer, combining legal information with elements of psychological and relational support for the couple. This is why we have already started a dialogue with the Order of Psychologists.”