Sisterhood is about the deep connection between women, based on support, understanding, and the ability to be yourself.’ That’s what I read on the net. I decided to look up the term after I received angry reactions to my column about how women talk each other into the ‘menopause pit’ through an overkill of depressing and disturbing information about the hell that is menopause. “It’s coming for you,” Oprah Winfrey threatened in her special The Menopause Revolution.
Even though I mentioned that I have also regularly complained about the lack of knowledge among us and doctors (hello hormone therapy), welcomed the fact that the taboo has been lifted and mentioned the importance of podcasts and books on this theme, my words were not appreciated. It was ‘shameful’, ‘hurtful’, ‘unempathetic’, ‘a slap in the face of women’ and ‘selfish’, because it is easy for me to say that as a woman who does not (yet) suffer from that ‘hell’.
Some wondered why women attack each other. After all, we, the Sisterhood, should support each other. Interesting. Solidarity and support also include – or especially – the freedom to question each other, not to affirm each other uncritically, but to keep each other on our toes.
There is not just one story about menopause. The majority of the responses I received consisted of recognition. We know that there is an increased risk of (among other things) depression, anxiety and sleep problems due to hormonal changes. Women wrote me how, after reading many horror stories about menopause, they started to develop mental complaints. It took a serious turn for a friend. She read everything she could find about menopause. Did she have complaints or not? It started with mild hyperventilation. This made her hyper aware of her breathing, which over time led to difficulty swallowing, nausea, inability to sleep, depression… When she started having panic and anxiety attacks, she sought help.
Fidan: ‘All those women who say how bad the menopause is: I’m completely done with it’
Possibly because of her experience, all the information about menopausal symptoms immediately grabbed my attention. And this is okay to talk about. Surely we can’t possibly close one taboo with another? Nothing is black and white. Criticism does not automatically mean that women should stop talking about menopause or that menopausal symptoms are downplayed. Certainly not! But sometimes the support provided is selective.
I often wonder who the ‘club of sisters’ actually is. For example, if I, or other women, speak out about women’s rights within Islam, and are then virtually attacked and threatened, I do not hear the Sisterhood. That’s allowed. But let us not lay claim to a so-called women’s association that calls ‘apostate women’ to account for their failure as sisters.
“Just wait until you are in the process of menopause yourself,” writes one woman. She grants it to me. So much for sisterhood.
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