After being single for years, I have a nice boyfriend again for a few years. Because we live in different cities and I still had a daughter at home, we only see each other on weekends. But now my daughter has found a room in a student house. Last Saturday my boyfriend completely surprised me by asking me to marry him during a visit to a restaurant. He literally got down on one knee and pulled out a box with a beautiful ring. He had informed the restaurant in advance, so the waiter rushed over with a bottle of champagne. Everyone around us applauded, I was in tears and of course I immediately said ‘yes’, because my boyfriend is the nicest guy in the world.
Living together
When we were at his house, we fantasized about when we wanted to get married and where and who we would invite. I was freaking out until he pointed out that of course we would be moving in together. “We can do it in your house, we can do it in my house. But I would prefer that we start over somewhere else with a clean slate,” he said.
He said: ‘You have a tripe, do something about it!’
I was shocked. Give up my own place where I had so many wonderful memories? My nice neighborhood, my dear friends? Empty my children’s rooms? I didn’t want that at all. But when I said that to my boyfriend, he wasn’t happy. “We live 100 kilometers apart. I work in my hometown. If we live together in your house, this means that I spend at least two hours in the car every day, if not longer. It is much fairer if we look for something halfway.”
“But I don’t know at all whether I want to live together,” I said then. “I’m a bad sleeper. You snore a lot, you toss and pull the covers towards you. That’s not a problem if I stay with you for two nights, but it is if I have to share a bed with you permanently. So if we are going to share a house, I want my own bedroom.”
Row
Ultimately, this conversation ended in a big argument and the atmosphere between us cooled down considerably. I indicated that I wanted to think about it, he said he doesn’t want to see me again until I have made a decision. But he stuck to his position: look for a house in his hometown or somewhere between our homes. I work in healthcare, so I can basically work anywhere. And he insists: no separate bedrooms. There was still talk about two separate mattresses, but a married couple should sleep in one bed, he believes.
I said that moving is an option – because I understand that he doesn’t want to travel for hours – but that I want my own room. Not only because I want to sleep well, but also to just have a place for myself. He said that as far as he is concerned the wedding is off the table and that he doubts whether there will be a future for us together.
‘I’m doing it with my girlfriend’s ex’
My friends react differently. Some people think he’s selfish and say everything revolves around him, others think it’s logical that he doesn’t want to sleep separately. “Maybe he should go to the doctor to solve his snoring problem,” a friend suggested. But that is not the only thing. I just want two bedrooms and think I’m already going to sacrifice enough by selling my house and leaving my hometown. On the other hand, I don’t want to lose my friend. If only I could persuade him…
The Confession section is based on true stories.
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