“You gotta catch them all!” is the slogan of Pokémon. The opposite applies to the concert tormenters. Avoid if possible – in the end we already had them all.
Petting, pups, slam dance and karaoke … On a concert last week I was able to make almost all archetypes of the live audience spirits around me. I take this as an opportunity to finally put your deserved thinking or memorial- in the large concert torture bingo.
Recommendations of the editorial team
01. The concert pupser
“Don’t forget, we’ll go to the concert afterwards, right?”
“Of course, I just eat the onion soup and the kebab from yesterday.”
Of course, this conversation has not been witnessed, but it is certain that it must have taken place in a similar way to one of the concert goers: inside, who have placed in their own olfactory width. Because the pups go viral in the first rows, the focus of the bystanders is lost from “Lost in Music” to “What the hell?!” Where the smell ultimately stirs from, however, in large crowds mostly remains diffuse. The sender is certainly in this olfactory anonymity and therefore usually does not leave it with a single eruption. If you are also too close in the egg -grown center, you have to fear that you are considered to be the source of the collective evil. Not everyone recovers from this shame!
Anyone who increases more than accidentally at concerts also steps in ducks in the park.
Impairment factor: up to 10/10
02. The In-ear screis
Why do you go to concerts again? Of course, to hear what distant acquaintances (who are just getting close to you) have to roar directly in the ear. How you can find the song, for example, but also flow other information-Sky is the limit: new dog, Immo-scout, the Middle East or why not just tell his secondary woman or his sidewife without being asked? After all, you are currently at a concert – and songs are somehow about stories! The other finally paid for admission and would certainly like to be entertained closely.
Impairment factor: 8/10
03. The aggro dancer
Place is a commodity, especially at sold -out concerts. So why not even take advantage of yourself, life has been cheating on your fruits for a long time! And so that someone does not follow up again, you have to make it clear that you really need every square meter for yourself. This becomes visible primarily for the bystanders by dancing crazy. Tip: The more aggression and physicality are in the game, the less others are in the mood to make the laboriously stressed space brushing again.
Impairment factor up to 10/10
04. The concerto filmmaker
Oh, what does the concerto filmmaker mean here? It is of course that – because this phenomenon no longer knows a singular. “There is filming next to me? Well, I also want to!” It is no longer about the recording, but only about the ritualized action. All of these clips, which are never restored, only serve to assert. Instead of writing to the toilet wall with the Edding “I was here”, the smartphone is needed in 2025. “Being at the moment” is being overrated anyway – we are not a spiritual hippies on Mescalin, but we are happy if we don’t have to stare at the barren stage all the time from sheer displays. And if you haven’t really looked at the cell phones of the front people at concerts to compare whether their resolution is better or worse than your own, you have never loved music!
Impairment factor: 7/10
05. The rapporteur
Anyone who has taken the trouble to put their blurred overridden cell phone concert snippets on social media will have noticed one thing: your mother is not interested in that! And she actually has to love you from the right, but with the half -dark live video with some little shoring of light that should probably represent the stage, the enthusiasm for third parties simply takes a break. It is therefore advisable to call an event directly and to organize the phone to the stage. This only reaches one person, but you wouldn’t have got a lot more likes on Instagram anyway – the beneficiary is definitely a big fan on the other end of the line! Certainly – and such a big fan that she is not on site. But hey, who wants to be petty in the intoxication of the senselessness?
Impairment factor: 6/10
PS: In this case here, however, you could make an exception. Looks urgently …
06. The cell phone enthusiast
Speaking of the others’ displays … exciting to see how many people actually answer random office in the brightly lit smartphone, while on stage PJ Harvey or Ski AGGU sing about their feelings?
Impairment factor 5/10
07. The karaoke singer / the karaoke singer
Of course you go to a concert to finally sing your star live. But hand on heart, isn’t it much nicer, you learn how the voice voice of a bystanders sounds? It may not be so confident, but it is definitely one thing: loud! That also relieves the act on stage. Because if the false tones have all been sung by the person next to you, what can be guessed at, what can be guessed from the original voice will also have an even more experienced effect. It would be typically German to get upset about this exhausted joie de vivre. When will the full -time singing obligation finally come?! Of course also with instrumental acts!
Impairment factor: up to 7/10
08. The participant
Very important: if the act turns to the audience and tells something between the songs, be it highly political (“Think we should burn down tesla!”) Or even very profane (“Give Me German Beer”), then you are always asked yourself. Calling into the silence is the sex of all those that no one else will never listen to. And note: There are no rhetorical questions, there are only missed chances to be the focus of the focus-even if only if you drill out the looks of the bystanders because it just seemed to call for a “move out!”.
Impairment factor 5/10
09. The type above without
Speaking of moving out … In the emancipative part of the punk scene, the discussions about the topic of “upper body -free men” have been at concerts at least since the last decade. The tenor is actually quite simple: “Please leave it!” In some other contexts, however, the slippery blank is part of the male concert experience. Because where alone with all the sweat, if not to the clothes of the people who are unfortunately next to you?
Impairment factor 8/10
10. The hygienically challenged
Why take a shower beforehand if you go to sweaty concert in a week anyway? Since the smoking ban at concerts, this offense has of course been significantly higher. Who is not reluctant to remember when they could no longer be smoked from 2008 in event shops – and one was aware for the first time, according to which it smells there if not everything stinks according to ashtray!
Impairment factor up to 9/10
11. The secret smoker
Okay, now the list really turns against myself. In any case, I have done that many times. I’m sorry! [ab unter Tränen]
Impairment factor 7/10
12. The unleashed couple on the threshold for the petting
“Rrrrr, Schnuckelschatzmaus! Hear only, you play our song! Let me wild in your hair and plow my tongue through your strange face!” [Schlabbergeräusche]
A consolation for the bystanders, these people get what they earn: each other!
Impairment factor 6/10
epilogue
Anyone who can actually spend more than 10 figures from this list here during a single concert visit may contact me at any time. We then go on vacation together and I want to hear everything about this evening. Otherwise, please never forget how shit it was while Corona was without concerts and how shit it would be in a dictatorship without a free music scene.
With this in mind, I conclude with the wise words of chapel Petra: “Go more to concerts”.
What has happened so far? Here all pop column texts at a glance.
