The Eindhoven woman (39) who was shot on Tuesday in Gouda, stayed in a stay-of-my-body house. This is a safe haven for people who had to flee their house in a hurry due to domestic violence. How exactly does such a stay-of-my-body house work? And what happens upon arrival? A behavioral expert from such a crisis relief in Goirle explains it.
In the crisis relief locations of organizations such as Neos in Eindhoven and Sterk Huis in Goirle and Teteringen, victims can also temporarily go into hiding. And that need is high: almost all beds are continuously occupied. Both Neos and Sterk Huis have about secure reception locations for people who are dealing with domestic violence. Security is available 24 hours a day.
The twenty rooms and the same number of beds in the gate of Sterk Huis are almost always continuously occupied. “It does differ per period, but all in all we are always full,” says behavioral scientist Jenai van Breda van Sterk Huis. There is no waiting list.
As soon as a body such as the police or Veilig Thuis makes a report, the customer office of both organizations immediately assesses how serious the situation is. If someone is in direct danger, someone can usually be placed directly in a shelter. A place in secure care can literally save lives.
What is a stay-of-my-body house?
A stay-of-my-body house is a secret address where women, men from the age of eighteen and possibly their children are taken care of if they have to go into hiding if there is domestic violence.
The people who stay in the shelter are free to go outside. For their own safety, they are advised not to tell exactly where they are staying. At the crisis relief, security is available 24 hours a day to guarantee safety.
The victims receive guidance and assistance, assistance in arranging practical matters and, if necessary, support with a declaration or divorce.
In the crisis shelter of Neos, every victim receives guidance from a route counselor, housing coach and possibly also a child and family coach. A personal safety plan will be drawn up after arrival.
“It contains agreements and measures that match the security risks. We want to ensure that someone is and remains safe,” says a spokesperson. A safety plan and a risk assessment are also made at Sterk Huis and victims receive psycho-education.
The network of victims is involved in the treatment in the crisis relief. “We mainly discuss how they can prevent partner violence from appearing together in the future. Because that is our goal,” says the behavioral scientist.
“Domestic violence is slowly sneaking into it.”
Victims also get an explanation about how they can recognize patterns of domestic violence on time. According to Van Breda, it is extremely difficult to step out of a violent situation, but rather necessary to explain in what situation they have been. “Domestic violence often sneaks slowly.”
Victims often only ring the bell when a lot of violence has already taken place. “On the one hand because the violence has become ‘normal’ for them, on the other because there was also love in a relationship in addition to partner violence.”
According to Van Breda, perpetrators often promise. They say they are being treated and will never do it again. “There are victims of hope, so that they stay in the violent situation for longer.”
In almost every case that enters a strong house, femicide signs are visible. “Stalking, threat, psychological violence, abuse: the women and men we take care of all about this. And that is also the reason why they should be admitted directly to a safe place.”
What is femicide?
Femicid or women’s murder is deliberately killing a woman or girl because she is a woman. Often domestic violence, (honor) revenge, hatred or control play a role in femicide.
In many cases the perpetrator is a partner or ex-partner. But it can also be a family member, friend or knowledge or even an unknown woman.
Femicide is a worldwide problem. In the Netherlands a woman is killed every 8 days. In more than 60 percent of the cases, the (former) partner is the perpetrator. At about 20 percent it is a family member.
At Neos, the duration of the stay depends per route, someone’s safety, flow options and personal guidance goals. “As long as the situation is not yet safe, for example because an ex-partner still exhibits threatening behavior or because practical matters such as finances are not yet arranged, someone stays with us.”
At Sterk Huis, the stay in the crisis relief takes an average of six to ten weeks. “That does not mean that if someone is still unsafe, it can and can just move. But at the same time we also believe that crisis shelter is not the finest and best environment to develop, so we try to keep the time as short as possible.”
If all involved with Neos agree that the situation is safe and the victim can continue independently, it is time for the next step. “For example, that can be an owner -occupied home. The guidance does not stop, but is continued in a way that matches what someone needs at that time.”