Veil of grief around Niek van der Velden
With a cheerful smile around his lips, Niek van der Velden (25) takes a seat at a coffee shop in Amsterdam. He lives in Innsbruck, but is back in the Netherlands. He looks cheerful, embraces life, but at the same time there is also a veil of sorrow around him. It is the first time that he talks extensively about the past months, which he said were quite hectic. He expresses himself extremely softly with that. Sometimes Van der Velden is quiet for a moment when he tells his story and looks for the right words closest to his feelings.
Van der Velden’s thoughts are wandering to the end of January of this year. The snowboard match for which he had traveled to America almost started. He sat up in the ski lift when his mother sent him a message asking him to call. Totally ignorant of the drama that took place in the Netherlands, he asked if it could be after the game. No, his mother had to speak to him now.
“I immediately felt that something really had to be going on. I got my mother on the line and she told me that my sister had had a car accident and had died. An unpleasant emptiness immediately fell over me. A feeling that I could hardly describe and never felt before.”
Anesthetized, he stepped out of the ski lift on top of the slope. “When I went snowboard, I completely broke. I sat down by the side of the slopes and I cried very hard. My sister was only 27 years old and has two small children. This wasn’t possible?”
Once downstairs he was taken care of by his coaches who had also spoken to Van der Velden’s mother. “I immediately booked the first ticket home.”
The next day he went to the airport. “During the trip home I was constantly surprised by emotions. At first I thought: I can’t cry here at the airport, but a few seconds later it didn’t matter to me anymore. While I was standing among all the people, the tears ran down my cheeks. I have never felt as emotionally as there at that airport in America.”
Most Best Farewell to Laurie
During the flight there was a beautiful sunset from the small plane window. For a moment Van der Velden felt like he was close to Laurie. Once in the Netherlands he switched to a kind of survival mode. “So much had to be arranged. We naturally wanted to give Laurie the most beautiful goodbye, because she earned it that way.”
A loving look appears in his eyes. “After her death so many friends and colleagues of her told me how loved she was.” Van der Velden laughs. “Laurie was”All over the place. She was sweet, funny and energetic. She worked with refugees and later in healthcare with people with psychological problems. Colleagues could sometimes have problems with a client, but Laurie always knew exactly how to deal with them. She was a woman who saw everyone. “
Snowboarding Exhaust valve
Van der Velden is quiet for a moment, swallows his tears away and then scrapes his throat. “During our childhood we lost each other a bit. The atmosphere at home was sometimes tense and Laurie and I both went around in a different way. Laurie and my parents often bumped into that period. I sought an exhaust valve to deal with this. A place where I found peace, could empty my head and I could never say that as Laurie. have been in snowboarding.
Laurie became a mother more than seven years ago. It turned out to be a tipping point in the relationship between the whole family. “We always kept in touch, but from that moment we found each other more. My nephew provided a new kind of light in her life and a connecting factor between all of us. He was a kind of new energy for all of us. The responsibilities that Laurie felt when she became a mother got the best in her up. She became more serious and worked on a better version for my cousin. She got.”
Niek and Laurie grow towards each other
Van der Velden and his sister have grown closer and closer to each other in recent years. “I keep the conversations that we have had in the last year very deep in my heart. We found out all the time that we actually had the same struggles that many teenagers had. We were without it precisely in the same boat, but otherwise dealt with our way to adulthood.”
He explains that his parents always wanted the best for him and his sister. “They were open to help and followed the advice they received. Sometimes it only appears afterwards that things turn out differently than you had hoped in advance. That can be painful, but I know that their intentions always came from love.”
Karting together last memory
A month before his sister’s death, Van der Velden was in the Netherlands. Of course there was also a visit to Laurie on the program. The two decided to go karting. It is the last memory they made together. “Afterwards we had such a nice conversation. We learned to understand each other better and wondered why we had grown so apart so much during our youth. The reason why wasn’t something we had chosen for ourselves. It happened to us. In any case, we were happy that we had found each other again and thought we would have enough time to make new memories together …” “
But a month later, fate struck and Van der Velden found out very sad that ‘enough time’ is not a matter of course. A life lesson that he would not have wanted to learn in this way. “I miss her every day. If I need advice, I want to call her, but then I realize a few seconds later that it is no longer possible. Sometimes I want to be onInstagram a funny video that I know for sure that she must laugh about it, but not much later than the realization that I can’t send anything anymore. ”
Van der Velden flashes with his eyes. “I would really like to hug her one more time and tell her how incredibly proud I am about her. Laurie went through very difficult situations, but even at those moments she wanted to help others. It is an understatement if I say that life was not always easy for her.”
Inspire others
With sharing his story, he wants to inspire others. “The death of Laurie is irreversible. Whatever I do, I don’t get my sister back. But if I can inspire others with my story, then that a little bit the pain I feel. Then it might have been a little bit ‘good’ for something.”
Van der Velden vervolgt: „We nemen het leven allemaal voor lief. We denken allemaal dat we genoeg tijd hebben om gemiste momenten in te halen. Ik denk dat er veel meer mensen zijn zoals Laurie en ik. Mensen die elkaar even zijn kwijtgeraakt en even minder contact hebben dan ze diep in hun hart eigenlijk zouden willen. Dan hoop ik heel erg dat ze na het lezen van dit verhaal het gesprek met elkaar weer aangaan. Tegen hen wil ik zo graag zeggen: blijf met open vizier naar elkaar kijken en luisteren, doe je best om elkaar Learn from each other and not to look at the beauty in negative situations. To keep looking for a connection and to realize that behavior, especially if it seems difficult or incomprehensible, often comes from a deeper layer. ”
Although Van der Velden misses his sister every day, she is still very close. He tries to be there as much as possible for his two nephews. “I love them and caring for them is the least I can do for Laurie.”
A few weeks ago he went to the Ardennes with his oldest nephew for a few days. “We have had a great time. Because of them it feels like Laurie is really a bit. And vice versa, they had that too. Along the way to Belgium, my nephew and I had put music on. A funny song came by and together we sang with. My nephew looked at me and said: that’s how you look like my mother.”