CAra Ester,
I am in a period of my life as a great tribulation, becauseIt’s I noticed (late) that my life is not for me. I give you some data: female 33 years old, without children, married by 5 (+5 engagement) with good boy but not so much compatible, with whom I am in a black crisis, because I don’t love him, I respect him yesI respect it etc … everything you want, but in my opinion it has nothing to do with me. He obviously very in love, very sweet, what all mothers dream! Bravo, awake, sweet, but… ..Men, old insidewe are also doing couple therapy to see if I change my mind, basically.
I don’t love work, but it is “perfect”
I have been doing a job for years that I didn’t like at all, at the beginning, that It has never been my “great love” But the family business. Practically I’m living someone else’s life. I have been trying to make things well for years, for lack of character I would say, and I sail without too many questions. Then when my mind introduced me to the bill (but they never happen to be all together, only you say “but no, come on it’s a day no, even today we didn’t talk about anything but that’s okay, even today the work did not go much but tomorrow who knows”), I started individual therapy, and I am slowly dismantling my life, trying to understand, but what do I have to do? What servant to?
Why make it go well necessarily?
I have read several letters and answers you have given, and often you say that even if love is a bit like that, but he is excellent on paper, better to give him 1000 chance. I honestly at the moment I would be better, but I understand that it would be vigliacchi. My problem is certainly struggling to commit myself when needed (I’m working on it). But my question is: Why make it go well necessarily?
If your whole body screams you that you are wrong, if you wake up crying every morning. But who makes you do it? I know he is a rare gem, I know, believe me that I understand it. He is a kind of prize that came to me one day, after a short time that I had blacked teenage love held only online. Aasso obviously was the tear but inconclusive love of my life (not of his, a great classic), and lasted shamefully too much. The problem is that sometimes I thought back to Aasso, too many times, fantasizing, telling me that since I don’t feel for good boy the same, then I’m sorry, but it’s not love.
He is my first fan, my friend, my “safe harbor”. But…
This brood He took me away from the couple, fortunately I understood it and exceeded the end of the story really, this time. I just my husband…. I don’t know? I don’t know what to do with it. I seem to be more a ballast for him than a partner. He is my first fan, my friend, my “safe harbor”, My self -esteem (he must have found it, because I finished the stocks). I fell in love with his love for me, not so much of him. Now we are suffering in 2, And I would just like to disappear to leave him to another more suitable, to resume his life each, but you know after 10 years is hard. Even changing work would be hard … I still found my way of making it going well and it is also giving me satisfaction I will tell you, I was not born for that but I tried (only in the last 2 years, sincerely) to put mine, and now it is not bad. It is certainly not my first love, but in short, come on.
In short, I close it here, it’s 5 and it’s an hour that I write. I hope in your answer, if you have come to read so far you are heroic!
A thousand thanks
Ester Viola’s answer
Dear
Dear M.
Beautiful letter, meanwhile. Beautiful because it draws a question that nobody has forces to formulate. Will something always miss something to be perfect? Sissignor, there is little to do except admit it and see to settle in a way to be passably happy, happy on the average. More is impossible, Instagram does not make text because those are fake lives, perfect fake families, fake good moods.
Imperfect relationships because he is too good
But you have this breeding of disappointments that you do not go proud and you are well aware that you have few rights to the lament: yours are fatty problems, very fat. A good man as a husband, who considers you a queen, and who is however unforgivable because it is too goodand does not give chemical guarantees of concerns, horns and various adrenaline. So It is moving you mortally. And yet You don’t leave him, because the good people are completely unlawable. But you have all conditions in favor, so you have no excuses not to leave, among the various because it is to be wondered, I would also put this on the list. Those who want to leave, usually recognize him because he has already gone.
The work is also Moscio
The other front of disappointment is work: You found things ready (family business) so there is nothing more to desire, there is no problem of building, keeping even, because everything is already done, you just have to continue with the aim of not sending everything to the nettle. Just you don’t like it, you don’t like it, you don’t like it. However, someone might observe that every type of work comes in the end in uggia, indeed you end up detesting it. Very few crafts are exceptional, however, one should understand which one because I people with the philosopher’s stone in zero number.
Change everything is it convenient?
With you is ineffective every type of answer, M. Meanwhile I cannot say raised! to one who is already so well standing. One who understood everything and also knows that his outburst wins a lot. You have all the fortunes and don’t enjoy them, yes, that is also there.
The point, M., is that even to find a way to Change everything, it would be a solution of the worst type: those that last little. A new falling in love? Well, yes, but for a year. Unless you get with a professional tormenting, but you are too grew up to want someone who ruins your life, with crazy and desperate loves you have to run after time, when the bodies are strong and hold insomnia and the tense nerves.
If you were wondering “the outside is the ideal person for me, the only one?” You can stop. The special people do not exist, We are more equal than the other. One of the remedies that the French of the biscuits proposed, in cases of great discontent, was not to dream less but to make the whole dream. Take your case: it would mean that you leave everything, husband home and work. At that time? How does it make you feel?
Awareness of the rewhed
Already tell me, towards the end: now we are suffering in 2, and I would just like to disappear to leave him to another more suitable, to resume his life, but you know after 10 years is hard. Even changing jobs would be hard … I have However, finding my way of doing it well and is also giving me satisfaction. I will tell you, I was not born for that but I tried (only in the last 2 years, sincerely) to put mine, and now it is not bad. It is certainly not my first love, but in short, come on.
We adjust the expectations
A slow incomplete of expectations. Finding ways of moving without sneaking the foundations. Change everything without changing (almost) nothing. That yes, which is the exceptional company.
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