The door of his room flies open. Salih (18) is shocked. His brother looks angry, but mostly shocked. “What are you doing?” This is exactly what Salih has been afraid of all the time since his conversion to Islam. The silence that follows says everything: disappointment, incomprehension, rejection by the people he loves the most. He is not the only, more young people choose to keep their conversion hidden for fear of the reaction of their family and environment.
Not everyone in Salih’s family and surroundings know that he converted a year and a half ago. That is why he wants to remain anonymous and only shares his Islamic name. His interest started at the age of seventeen, by conversations with Muslim friends and schoolmates. “I looked at YouTube videos about Islam, the Quran and the prophet. I slowly rolled into faith.” He kept this hidden from his family. “I knew it would be difficult, especially at home. My parents have nothing to do with faith and don’t see the point in it.”
But his secret did not remain hidden for long. Salih was ‘caught’ within a week of his conversion. His brother discovered Islamic videos on his computer and shocked early: “What are you doing?” His parents were also surprised and worried. Salih had no choice but to admit: “I am converted.” Their first reaction was confusing and disapproving. “They might wonder why. Maybe they thought I was struggling with something and saw this as a way to deal with it.”
Afraid of rejection
For Yassin Haddouchi, volunteer at the EL-Feth Mosque in Tilburg, it is a recognizable story. Together with other volunteers, he guides converts. He notices that family is often the biggest challenge.
Especially young people who still live at home find it difficult to discuss their conversion. “They are afraid of rejection and therefore often keep it hidden for a long time. Sometimes they wait even for a longer period of time,” he says. “Some parents immediately accept it, others have a lot of trouble with it. It is sometimes possible that the parents do accept it, but that the Muslim woman is not allowed to gain a headscarf because there is shame for the environment.”
Nevertheless, Yassin advises converts to be open to their family as quickly as possible. “If parents discover it later, it sometimes only gets more difficult.” He recommends taking them to a mosque with experience in guidance. “There parents can ask their questions and they often notice that their fear mainly comes from ‘the unknown’. They then see that their child is still the same person, often even more positive and respectful.”
Alienation within the family
Within the Salih family soon came distance after he had converted. Especially with his father it became complicated: “He clearly showed that he found my choice difficult, which made me keep it more distance. I just thought, give it time. If I behave well according to faith, they will automatically get a different picture.” His mother accepted the situation a bit easier and now cooks Halal for him and sometimes for the whole family.
Salih has deliberately not told his broader family about his conversion. Not because his parents asked, but because he wants to protect his parents against possible negative reactions from his family and environment. Salih realizes that he cannot keep his faith hidden in the end: “If I will live on myself and hopefully someday faithful, it will come out of itself.”
Taboo on repentance, prejudices remain
Although the taboo on repentance is slowly decreasing, Yassin of the EL-Feth Mosque notes that the negative prejudices about Islam persist. “The image of Islam in the media and politics still causes fear and resistance to family members.” Yet he also sees positive developments: “More and more well -known Dutch people and athletes openly speak of their conversion, what encourages others to investigate Islam and take the step faster.”
According to him, the number of converts has increased in recent years. Last year there were sixty to eighty converts in the mosque in Tilburg, double from a few years ago. Women in particular take this step more often.
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Yassin also sees positive changes within a family. Often parents initially respond skeptically or angry, he says, but this changes as soon as they see that their child is happy: “Ultimately, parents realize that Islam does not change the personality of their child. Then understanding and acceptance arise and sometimes the family bond becomes even stronger than before.”
Grateful despite difficult moments
Salih is now active as a board member at the youth association of a mosque and he supports his choice strongly. “I know what I am doing is not wrong and I am proud of my faith,” he says confidently. He feels happier than ever: “Maybe it seems difficult at home, but I just feel good every day. In the end it is about people seeing that I am still myself.”