“AND what if I was the toxic person in the group?” Given that, as the experts explain, toxic people don’t ask themselves this question because they don’t question themselves, but the doubt can come. Especially if you are involved in a toxic relationship, love or friendship. Starting to ask yourself the question is already a step forward and, as the experts advise, too objectively and sincerely analyze one’s own attitudes trying to figure out if they are negative.
Toxic person, how to tell if you are
The toxic person is the one who performs actions that regularly have a negative impact on the lives of others: «Usually there is a tendency to meticulously analyze the attitude of others leaving out one’s own. In this case though it is essential to be honest with yourself to understand if you have developed a too negative way of doing things, even unknowingly as in the case of frank toxic personalities” explains Carolina Traverso, psychotherapist and psychologist.
«The main point of any effective relationship, for me, starts from causation. In the first place, to find out if you are a harmful person to others, you need to do a self-analysis: How motivating am I actually? How much do I encourage the other person? How much do I emphasize his strengths at the expense of his faults instead? How much do I communicate positive news to him? When faced with a conflict, do I wonder how I could have acted differently? So how much do I question myself? These are the first questions to ask yourself if you notice relationship difficulties to understand if you can actually be the cause of a toxic friendship» he adds Lara Campoli, President of Inss- Entrepreneur You are not alonethe first non-profit organization in Italy that supports entrepreneurs in difficulty.
The causes that lead a person to become toxic
But how does one become this kind of person? The reasons are different. The first, and most widespread, is that perhaps we are going through a particularly negative period: mourning, strong traumas, fears, repressed emotions for too long, are the basis of a momentary vision of life.
The matter is more complex if this is a perennial attitude in a personin fact in this case the cause is in education: «Part of our learning takes place by imitation, that is, we learn some behavior patterns, including toxic ones, by observing others. Therefore, the more we grew up in a context that proposed toxic behavior models, the easier it will be for us to assimilate and re-propose them. growing up considering them normal. The same can be said for adults: if we frequent contexts in which toxic behaviors prevail for a long time, even if it is not said, it will be easier to make them our own» explains Dr. Traverso.
Not only that but at the basis of this attitude, which is typical of those suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder, there are also parents who are too absent or, vice versa, too present and that they have spoiled their son, deluding him that he is a special person.
The typical attitudes of a person who is always negative
Negative view of life and the world, sarcasm, never any positive details during a conversation: these are some of the characteristics of the attitudes of toxic people. «Toxic people hardly question themselves because they think they’re not wrong and therefore never change their attitude, they always report negative news, from crime news to everyday problems, they tend to be “absolutist” with phrases like “I can NEVER trust you” or “you’re ALWAYS the same” or again they tend to be gossipy in the most negative sense of the word» explains Dr. Campoli.
But not only: “Their weapon of choice is sarcasmwhich can make the user feel very intelligent, without realizing that it hurts the people around them, or the compulsion to always throw everything into laughtera way to escape from sadness or other difficult emotions that are obviously scary. They also tend to rationalize everything precisely because they are unable to manage emotions; they also tend to be unreliable, they have a habit of canceling commitments or changing plans at the last minute, minimizing the consequences on others. They have a tendency to want to “fix” others and to impose on other people what worked for them, like modern guros» he explains obliquely.
How to overcome this vision
How to take off your black glasses and change your attitude? «Starting to question himself right away if you have recognized yourself in these attitudes. You can start from the little things, like starting to compliment people, really noticing what’s beautiful in your life» explains Dr. Campoli.
«In addition to recognizing one’s own behavior as toxic, it is also essential not to identify only with these wrong attitudes. If, in fact, for many of us having made mistakes does not mean being wrong people, for some people the mistake is an unacceptable shame, recognizing it is too frightening, and therefore they prefer to continue being a victim of their own dysfunctional behaviors» concludes Carolina Traverso.
iO Woman © REPRODUCTION RESERVED