Cand they sold them as a rebirth, but no one told us about the B side: that gray area where some things we used to do casually stop being practicable.
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“Beyond the magic of the Winx”: the exhibition on the 30th anniversary of the Rainbow animation studio in Pescara
1. Bye bye sofa
The body at twenty is a machine indifferent to surfaces, impervious to discomfort and equipped with a regenerative capacity that is almost a lack of respect for those who have already turned thirty or, even worse, fifty. Sleeping on the couch is still not a problem. Then it will become one. A kind of declaration of war on the spine, a lumbar torture device.
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You will get up with the back of a seventy-two year old to whom you had given up your seat on the subway until the day before. We survive, mind you, but we talk about it for days. Especially to the physiotherapist.
Goodbye sofa! (Getty Iamges)
2. Prince Charming fades
Waiting for Prince Charming on the white horse, a vague and providential figure, perhaps even a little tormented, who gives meaning to life. At twenty just wait. At thirty, faith in waiting begins to crack and an awareness emerges: it’s better if we park the white horse ourselves and write the happy ending ourselves, so no one can ruin it.
3. Eat dinner late
At twenty, having a late dinner is normal, or rather habitual for those who have a life. I didn’t have one, but I still ate dinner in the small hours. And all in all I got through the night: I still didn’t know about gastroesophageal reflux. After thirty, going to bed with food on your stomach is risky, especially with a call at nine in the morning. Suddenly, the quality of the mattress becomes an issue.
After thirty, going to bed with food on your stomach is risky. (Getty images)
4. Stilettos? Not even
An aesthetic choice without physical implications. We returned home at dawn after an entire evening, without the body raising any objections. At thirty, the relationship with heels breaks down. It’s still nice to wear it, for goodness sake, but better make sure you have an escape plan, an available seat or at least a column to hold on to, Francesca Bertini model. Does this seem dated to you? You will thank me for the suggestion.
5. Traveling backpacking
The adventurous journey, backpacking, calculated budget, hostels, shared bathrooms, has its own precise poetics.
At thirty that poetry resists in stories to friends over a gin and tonic, as long as it’s not midweek. Our body now expresses preferences: comfortable bed, exclusive bathroom and the certainty of where we will sleep the following night. Travel, in your thirties, is fine even with a confirmed reservation.
Travel, in your thirties, is fine even with a confirmed reservation. (Getty Images)
6. Our new best friend: the GP
At twenty, the doctor is a figure who is visited only in cases of absolute emergency and at the insistence of the mothers.
Check-ups are for hypochondriacs. There’s too much to live, no time to be sick. After thirty we not only go to the GP, but we have his direct number, a medical record sorted by date and a precise opinion on what is the right time to book a visit without queuing. Prevention will no longer be an excess of prudence, but rather a form of respect towards the future.
7. Going to bed with wet hair
At twenty, going out with your belly exposed and not drying your hair is legitimate, almost romantic – the lightness of those who have other things to think about -. At thirty these actions have documented consequences that manifest themselves promptly the next morning: acute pain in an unspecified area between the neck and shoulder and abdominal cramps. It is a cause-effect relationship that no physiology manual has described to us with such clarity.
That sore neck in the morning that suddenly appears. (Getty Images)
8. Drink three gin and tonics as if nothing had happened
Let’s be clear, gin and tonic in your thirties remains a certainty, like hair straighteners and avocado toast. It is the next morning that has changed tone. When the liver is young and confident, it is capable of processing questionable choices with stoic efficiency. Once the thirty mark has been reached, he fights a tough battle with those same choices and what was once a slight annoyance, a barely whispered heaviness, turns into a real showdown.
9. Starting a TV series at eleven at night
Watch out for binge watching at night, you pay for it all in the morning. (A scene from the series The Crown with Claire Foy as Elizabeth II)
The TV marathon is a genre that requires a certain temperament. Entire seasons burned in a single night without being presented with the bill the next morning, at thirty years old is an ambition that clashes with harsh reality. We start out convinced but after seven minutes the series continues, we don’t, we sleep. If we happen to make it, it’s the next morning that we become hostile: we are sloths with panda-like dark circles.
10. Ignoring what you want to be when you grow up
At a very young age, indecision is acceptable, even fascinating, a sort of openness to the world, an elegant rejection of early specialization. After thirty we discover that time no longer exists
an infinite resource and that indecision no longer sounds like a hymn to freedom. Let’s leave only the men who don’t know what they want to do when they grow up.
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