HThe bill presented by the minister has recently caused a lot of discussion of Education Giuseppe Valditara which introduces the requirement for written parental consent for any school activity that concerns you issues related to sexuality at middle and high schools.
The provision has in fact reignited the debate on sexual education, a crucial issue on which Italy is still quite behind. According to one search for Save The Children only the 47% of teenagers received sex education in school. This percentage drops to 37% in the South and in the Islands. The same investigation also highlighted that the 91% of parents find it useful the introduction of these compulsory courses at school.
From what age is it right to talk about it at school?
The bill presented by Valditara it also prohibits sexual-affective education activities for nursery and elementary schools. But from what age is it right to discuss these topics with children?
«Starting high school is late – explains the Dr Luca Dinatale, Honorary Judge at the Juvenile Court of Milan, developmental psychotherapist and criminologist. – Already in primary school it is useful and possible to carry out prevention work on class groups, naturally with age-appropriate language. Talking to children about affection does not mean talking about sexual relations or anatomy. It means rather help them to name emotions, to recognize what they feel in relationships, to respect their own and others’ boundaries, to understand that the body is changing and will change to the point of taking on gender characteristics. In this way we prepare the ground for everything that will come shortly after, during adolescence. Children already grow up in a world where they are exposed to gender models, body ideals and models of being in relationships, they observe them in cartoons, in advertising, in video games, or listen to them in songs. They are already inside affective and sexual narratives, even before having the tools for reflection and understanding. There school is certainly a safer space to orient yourself in the midst of all this information and start building more realistic and healthy representations.”
Sexual education: the web and social media propose distorted models
Without forgetting that, inera of the internet and social media, addressing these issues with very young people is even more important.
«Children and teenagers they arrive at various types of content without yet possessing the tools to be able to interpret it – confirms the psychotherapist. – Technology is certainly a resource, but without supervision and education in digital competence exposes you to distorted models. Anticipate experiences and experiences that children are not able to mentalize with the risk that they crystallize into representations of the self and the other. Neuroscience has also explained to us that in a phase of brain plasticity such as developmental age, continued exposure to strong content, such as idealized images of the body, sexuality, aesthetic or behavioral models can lead to changes in the functioning of brain networks involved in emotions, in gratification and impulse control.”
Sexual education to combat gender violence
The debate on sexual-affective education brings attention to another important and delicate topic, that of the prevention of gender violence. According to the Minister Valditara, i Feminicides cannot be fought with sex education.
«Affective education it can be a form of prevention of gender violence – underlines Doctor Dinatale. – The violence grows in the suspension of the relationship with the otherin the inability to recognize and manage emotions, to respect other people’s boundaries. These skills must be built during growth and adults must offer words and models that allow young people to learn. A few days ago, during a psychotherapy session, a girl told me that she understood the gravity of her boyfriend’s aggressive behavior towards her only when a friend, seeing them arguing during lunch, pointed out to her how excessively disrespectful he was. Sometimes an external gaze is needed to name and give meaning to what we experience or suffer. School, as a third place, can become a space within which to cultivate mutual respect and form a culture of relationships that admits differences and rejects violence.”
Sex education: sometimes talking about it at school is easier than at home
“There school it is not just a place where you learn technical content – underlines Dr. Dinatale. – It’s a daily comparison laboratory, within which to build and train critical thinking, relationships and exchange. Students can increase their ability to read life and give meaning to the experiences they live in the institution, but also outside. Our culture talks about emotions, affections and relationships. Bringing these themes into school dialogue allows us to use the languages of art or literature to produce identifications and move authentic reflections, while at the same time increasing interest in the subjects. Furthermore, Kids often struggle to talk about what they feel with their parents and they need a third, less emotionally charged, by which you don’t feel judged».
Parental consent increases inequalities
Letting children address these issues at school only with the family’s consent, as proposed by the Valditara bill, however, has limits. “In this way we risk increasing inequalities – explains the expert. – Some families due to limitations, lack of tools, culture, ideology, shame, they avoid discussing these issues with their children. Many young people are then left without a competent adult reference, perhaps precisely those young people who are most vulnerable and therefore most in need. Total delegation to the family means accepting that some adolescents build their own idea of themselves, of others and of sexuality based exclusively on exchanges between peers or on the internet, exposed to early and unattended content. We risk an educational disparity that can leave those with the least tools behind. Furthermore, there is a risk of widening an already, unfortunately very visible, furrow: over the years, school and family are perceived by children as less and less cohesive, two different fronts. We risk a fracture that weakens the entire educational system. There is a risk that the school will be deprived of its educational and relational function, its authority is reduced if it is forced to “ask permission” to deal, with common sense, with what is part of growth».
Where to start from
What concrete tools could therefore make an affective education process effective in schools?
«We need to build one affective culture of prevention in schoolswhich helps name and discuss topics that our society has often hiddenidealized and exasperated: death, emotions, sex, relationships – explains Doctor Dinatale. – Interventions when needed are often late and reduce the damage, instead, planned and continuous primary and secondary prevention projects are neededintegrated with classical subjects and with what is already studied in schools. Then a sonnet or a historical work, as well as a current event, are opportunities to talk about boundaries, differences, bonds, respect. Families must be involved, unfortunately they find it increasingly difficult to participate in school life. Communication between adults must be rethought, real dialogue is needed not only through the electronic register».
Yes to listening desks
«Alongside these basic tools, listening desks and psychological consultation spaces can be opened where young people can talk and meet helpers – continues the expert. – Today kids have less need for information, they possess and master digital tools better than us that are capable of accessing very deep levels of knowledge of facts, instead they need tools to orient themselves, to understand what is reliable and stay in the world of relationships, real and virtual, consciously.”
Sexual education: the current debate can be an opportunity for shared growth
The current debate, then, can become an opportunity to really change things, «to return to discussing together a shared educational model, which is not a total delegation to the school institution, but not even a seizure – explains Dinatale who is also President of thePavia social promotion association Gli Sdraiati, a reality active since 2017 and made up of psychologists, educators and teachers who work together with the aim of helping young people and parents overcome the challenges of adolescence, also and above all in school contexts.
«School and family they must define educational alliances together that allow children to explore the world and maybe even get lost, but with the awareness of what they are doing. We need to work together to help young people become themselves and members of a community that they will contribute to making better.”