S.piritosa and carefree, winking with children and husband, look into the car and, it goes without saying, a very wide smile. The image that Vanessa Padovani, alia Miss Mom smilegives of itself on TikTok does not completely match the woman and mother (of three children aged 14, 12 and 8) who is: “I am analogue and very, really very apprehensive towards my children. Precisely for this reason, when the oldest showed interest in social networks, instead of denying them, I preferred to join them ». Tiptoe first. Then, on a par, becoming a phenomenon, alias a Tiktoker. From 2.6 million followers. A case, to the point that he wrote us a book: Mom, can I be a tiktoker? (Mondadori), out on February 22nd.
Class ’86, Vanessa Padovani lives in a town in the province of Ravenna, is studying to take a degree in Psychological Sciences and, in her downtime, create small clicked ironic videos for the social network most loved by kids. «I joined it when it was called musical.ly and it was a beautiful container of ballets and music videos made by… anyone».
For fun, and not to leave his son Alessio alone with his desire to enter, he posted his first video which was immediately successful. From then on, the game became serious: «As a mother I think that everything concerning my children should be taken seriously, and in particular social networks. I feel responsible for what I do, which is why the tone of our videos is always light, harmless. We do them after homework, before dinner. They are small moments of sharing and fun: we could make a cake and instead we make a video“. In short, her success exploded somewhat in her hands: “I think the merit is of our normality: we are not artists in any way, people recognize themselves in us, in our weaknesses, in the routine of everyday life”.
Complicity is the key
For parents worried about the influence of social networks on their children, the experience of Miss Mama smile can be enlightening: “Instead of forbidding or fearing them, I chose to join them, to get involved and thus be even more complicit than my children.“. But, it is clear, not all mothers can and want to become Tiktoker.
«I also believe that complicity is the key to not being afraid, or at least to have less: my children, at least for now, are open books with me. I am sure of them and I only grant to the extent that I recognize them as mature and responsible. In the face of any question I try to be open and serene: this is how I protect our special relationship“.
The other ace in the hole that every mother should have is «the perfect knowledge of the tools your children have in their hands». Is perfect too much? At least approximate, just enough not to make us look like the… boomer.
Don’t be called a boomer
““Ok, boomer” is an expression of petting that has become popular right on TikTok»Explains Miss Mamma with a smile. “The origins of the insult, one of the most contemptuous of social networks, dates back to 2019: a not very young man had dwelt in a speech in which he claimed that young people were childish, capricious and morbidly attached to social media; the implicit
advice was “grow up, get busy!”. That video ended up on TikTok and someone, below, replied with a simple “OK, BOOMER”. Then others appeared, tens, hundreds. Just two words for measure the enormous distance that had opened between several generations“. An episode that gives the idea: let’s do it!
Vanessa Padovani (Press Office photo)
Rules and fun
In the Padovani house the screens are visited only at fixed and limited hours. “They can play video games for an hour in the afternoon. Sometimes Alessio, the oldest, even a little after dinner ». TV? “It doesn’t matter in the least. Every now and then, in the morning, while they are having breakfast, I placate them with Youtube: they reassure themselves by watching other kids playing videogames ». Those who have mothers of children between the ages of 7 and 12 probably know it well: that of professional gamers who let themselves be watched while playing is a huge phenomenon. “How I can be enchanted watching videos on Tiktok, it happens to them too: they recognize each other.”
Then, “luckily”, at the Padovani house there is a courtyard where the boys play football with their father. Social networks? “Tiktok is on my mobile, my son Alessio has an Instagram profile that I follow. And a cell phone with Sim, but only from eighth grade“.
The secret: to be present
Miss Mama smile also has a special weapon against all fear, a reason why she can rest assured. “When my children play or watch a video on Youtube I am always present, in the same room, always nearby: I do not unglue! ». And for very few mothers this is a possible practice every day.
There are some tricks to remedy this. For example, on Youtube which at the end of each video seen tends to propose a new one. And if he tends to choose similar ones to those already seen, he can be wrong. «You can activate the “Block Kids”, the algorithm that allows access only to certain contents considered suitable for a young audience. We ended up removing it, because some gamers were being blocked by the system. But, I repeat, I am always present next to my children, for those who cannot it is an excellent solution “.
The parental control apps
Then there are apps of parental control that allow you to check how kids use a device: the time they spend there and the contents (blocking the unsuitable). They also allow you to see where your children are and receive a message if they leave the zone you have set as a limit and, some, to read their chats. For example? mSpy (the most complete), Flexispy (it also allows you to record phone calls and read passwords but it’s a bit complicated), Hoverwatch (only for Android, quite simple) and Family Time (easy to use but does not access content for example from WhatsApp, Messenger or Instagram).
Cyberbullying and hate on the Net
However, there are other monsters that roam the net, in addition to content forbidden to minors. And they are in the possibility that any user has to say her, and offend. “I myself was the subject of what’s called shitstorm from the very beginning, simply because I was the oldest on musical.ly: hundreds of fiery ‘Back to Facebook!’ “Get the mothers out of here!” ».
Obviously there can be worse, and it can affect even the youngest ones. “We have addressed the issue several times in the family”, Padovani says: “I tried to explain to my children that the web is full of haters, and also of trolls, that is, those who join a discussion or group that interacts online and disturbs, with the aim of making others lose patience: strangers who speak without putting their face to it, and can do a lot of harm. The first thing I have always taught my children is to take responsibility for what they do “.
Internet etiquette
There are small attentions and common sense rules that Miss Mum smile taught her children and that every kid (and adult!) Who moves on the Net should be known. “They call it netiquette, but for me it is a simple civilized life“.
Do not share material that is not yours: if you take a photo from Google, consider who took it and who is portrayed in it. Don’t share wrong information, don’t foment disinformation. Do not disturb others: “For example, avoid abusing tags, especially if a friend in the photo looks bad! ». Address others in a respectful and polite tone, as you would in real life. “Disagreeing does not legitimize rudeness, not even online,” continues Padovani. “Small rules that it is the job of a mother in step with the times to teach”.
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