THE‘Illustration shows a chair in front of a brick wall. The article, contained in the newsletter Well of New York Times Which wisely interprets well -being as a body/mind crossing, starts from the author’s experience to arrive at some universal reflections on couple life. The question is that of “Silence Treatment”. The “treatment of silence” that she, Jancee Dunn, reveals that she often trimmed to her husband Tom.
For the “unboted” it is a question of using non -communication – non -recognition, in extreme cases – after a quarrel or a heavy discussion. The correct definition would be, researchers from the University of Sidney say so, “Noisy silence”. Because it’s not that you really want to keep silent. You want to make as a fuss as possible: You want to make you feel, and how.
An example. If – during “a treatment” – leave the house, you could decide to look at the interlocutor fixed and even greet him using his name of his baptism, chanting him, no nicknames or affectionate abbreviations. Then beat the door and go. Or, simpler, As soon as the “adverse” interlocutor enters a room, you go out with blatant move. And again. Avoid touching or making you touch your arm if you have happened next to breakfast and you are opening the door of the cups & glasses.
Barbara Stefanelli (photo by Carlo Vangeri Gilbert).
Freeze the partner
Striking gestures, with a flashing lightly. Maybe we did it all. The “treatment of silence” looks like a noble tacticappears to us much softer (and certainly elegant) than the launch of dishes or improper. Here: it’s time to tell us the truth or, at least, to listen to it.
Kipling Williams, emeritus professor of Psychology at Purdue University, has studied the effects of this “maneuver” for over 30 years. Applied to the relationship to two and over. According to its conclusions, such as those of other specialists asked in the newsletter, the “silent thirty” is the worst of punishments. In the person who is frozen, “anxiety, fear, feelings of abandonment, excesses of self -criticism, doubt, culpritization” are generated.
The “cancellation” activates the same areas of pain in the brain when you are physically hit. It hurts, not metaphorically. What to do, therefore, when the reserves of empathy are dried up and the words, you know, will turn into a mountain of stones?
You can declare: I’m going to take me a ride, then we talk. You can write a letternot a hailstorm of WhatsApp messages. You can look for a “historical” song for both and dance above. All my love of the Coldplay. For two who like us by Brunori Sas. The only rule is to navigate off, far from the swamp of passive-aggressive, those ready to cackle on social media and turn off in the room.
After a hard quarrel (not just a couple) what does it work to “mend”? Write us to [email protected]
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