CIt refers to want check everythingfrom the choices of children to couple programs? It is a very common dynamic, but also exhausting. The truth is that You cannot govern every detail of the life, nor when it comes to the lives of others. Accept it can be the key to getting better. Learn to let go of what escapes your control It reduces anxiety and stress, helping you live with more lightness and spontaneity. An excellent starting point? The new manual The Let Theh Theory of the American expert of relationships and well -being Mel Robbins. Available on Amazon, he explains How to learn how to give up the grip and free yourself from the control mania. In the meantime, we asked the psychologist Elena Benvenuti to comment i 5 tips Of Psychcentral To manage what escapes your control.
1. Recognize cognitive distortions
Sometimes you are convinced that you have to have control over everythingeven on what escapes your responsibility and your sphere of competence. Is it your fault if your partner does not have fun at his birthday party? No. Yet your brain could convince yourself of the opposite. These distorted thoughts – as the control fallacy, the illusion of being able (and having) check everything“They are more common than you think. “Recognizing cognitive distortion is the first step to get rid of it. Ask yourself: is this belief really rational? If you learn to question these thoughts, You can start dissolving the control of control and reducing anxiety “, suggests the psychologist Welcome.
2. Understand what you can really check
Not everything is out of your control. Sometimes, The opposite error is to think of being at the mercy of events When, in reality, you can act concretely and proactively on many aspects of your life. “When you feel frustration for something that escapes your control, Stop and ask yourself: what can I really intervene on? You will often find that you have more action margin than I thought. This exercise allows you to make you feel in a position of personal effectivenesswithout defeating in hyper control, “explains Benvenuti.
3. The power of mindfulness
If you feel overwhelmed by the need for control, you could benefit from Mindfulness. Focus on the here and now It helps you reduce anxiety linked to what it might (or or her could not) happen. “Control often arises from the fear of uncertainty. Mindfulness teaches you to tolerate uncertainty without letting you overwhelm you. More learned to stay in the present momentthe more the need to predict and manage everything, he attenuates », underlines Benvenuti. In practice, what to do? “Ten minutes of guided meditation are enough to start feeling more rooted. Also well also exercises such as body scanning, that is, the slowly pass through every part of their body ».
The power to let go: 5 ways to manage what you can’t control (Getty Images)
4. Deep breath: your ally against control anxiety
When you feel the urgent need to check a situation, stop and breathe. Not just any breath. The deep, slow and controlled breath activates the parasimpatic systembringing calm and lucidity. “The body sends clear signals when you are in a state of stress: accelerated beat, muscle tension, short breath. Use deep breathing techniques It helps to restore the nervous system in balance and to respond with more rationality, rather than with impulsive reactions dictated by anxiety “, explains Benvenuti. “A simple exercise? It deeply inspires from the nose, feel the air expand the abdomen, and slowly exhale from the mouth. Repeat until you feel the body relax, and consequently the mind ».
5. Journaling: Write to let go
Put black on white your thoughts It can be a powerful and super effective way to release the need for control. “Writing helps to give order to mental chaos. It allows you to recognize obsessive thoughts, to analyze them and, finally, to let them go, “says Benvenuti. «Try to answer (in writing) to questions such as: What am I trying to check? Why do I feel this need? What would happen if I simply let it flow? Journal will not magically change your control tendency, but it can become a precious tool To understand it and, little by little, transform it ».
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