THEthe Third Millennium began under the sign of insecurity. The 2008 financial crisis, the pandemic, wars, floods, droughts and rising temperatures linked to the climate crisis. And with the problems of democracies, work and social protection in the West the picture is complete. The result? Anxiety and worry, which add to fears, small and largewhich people can have on a more personal level. «Phophobic and obsessive disorders have exploded» comments Giorgio Nardone, psychologist and psychotherapist, co-founder of the Strategic Therapy Center of Arezzo, as well as author of numerous books. «These rapid and unpredictable changes they give people the feeling of sailing in a sea of insecurity without a rudder. The media and the internet bombard us with images and information. And the more you know, the more insecure you become.”
The era of insecurity
Nardone dedicated his latest work to this theme, “In search of lost security” (Ponte alle Grazie). In addition to framing the problem, the psychotherapist offers a lifesaver. If it is not easy to act on political and social emergencies from one day to the next, you can always learn to improve yourself by accepting uncertainty.
Does insecurity only affect young people?
«It concerns everyone, even if it is experienced differently depending on age. The over 50s, who have a wealth of experience gained in a less overprotective and permissive social context than today, are surprised, worried and anxiously follow the existential paths of their children and grandchildren, but they are more resilient.”
What characterizes the reaction of those under 50 instead?
«50-year-olds, but also 30-year-olds, have grown up in a society of well-being, with the illusion that everything must always go well. A positive assumption, but one that generates immature reactions when faced with difficulties. They are insecure in managing themselves and their families, they have problems relating to their children and having a hierarchical position towards them. There are many despot children today and parents crucified by them. Under 30, many people are very fragile: they live in their bubble and are not very interested in what surrounds them, they proclaim their rights but are not used to accepting frustrations.”
Is self-confidence innate or is it built?
«It is built through experiences that confirm to each person that they are able to overcome obstacles, difficulties and frustrations».
Safe children? Challenges help you grow
What should a parent do who wants to raise safe children?
«My suggestion is: create a problem a day for your child to solve. A child should not be protected from every painful, frightening or frustrating experience: he must experiment with managing his emotions in order to establish his security and self-confidence. The adult’s goal is to stimulate the child’s natural abilities – psychomotor, linguistic, emotional, relational – helping him to improve them with exercise. Learning to speak in a calm tone of voice while looking the other person in the eyes, for example, is important for the perception that others have of us. Then, there are the skills that are acquired: not only reading and writing, but also practicing a sport, speaking another language, playing a musical instrument. At the beginning it can be frustrating not to immediately achieve the desired results, and it is in this that the child must be supported, helping him to cultivate and constantly improve his skills. Everyone prefers to focus on what is easiest, perhaps because they have a talent. So, to give an example, the little girl who is very good at dancing will only want to do that, because it gives her pleasure. Why not enroll her in a drawing course instead, for which she is less suited? By working hard and progressively improving, he will gain more confidence in his resources.”
Anxiety is rampant, phobic disorders increase and young people struggle to grow. But security can be built, even today
Not only teenagers are insecure
What if the insecure person was an adult?
«It’s never too late to learn to trust your own abilities, with the help of psychotherapy. Today everything seems easy. Even studying: AI helps students, university exams are less demanding… The well-being society leads us to avoid fatigue, pain, frustration. But this way we become more incapable. Artificial intelligence is not bad in itself, it becomes bad if it is used by the student to not do what it should. Or if it becomes a world in which to take refuge, avoiding real relationships with other people.”
Can this reasoning also be applied to the sphere of sexuality?
“Yes. A lucrative dimension of AI is the creation of a virtual girlfriend, who indulges you in everything. The advantage? Not having to court a real girl and not face the frustration of possible rejection. Achieving pleasure without effort triggers an addiction. It’s not just a problem for teenagers. Even a twenty-year-old can fall for it. Cybersex is not just a male phenomenon: online autoeroticism in women has increased fivefold in the last 10 years.”
Does the peak of insecurity manifest itself in adolescence?
«No, today it is between 19 and 29 years old. Adolescence, by convention, from 14 to 19 years old, has moved forward. There are 25 year olds who act like kids. They can’t handle frustration like they would if they were fifteen.”
They may be insecure, but many young people, and not only them, behave arrogantly. Why?
«Those who expose themselves do so to hide insecurity: they want to convince others to convince themselves. We should behave with humility: only in this way can we put ourselves out there to improve and become more confident.”
It’s your fault, not mine
Another widespread phenomenon is that of pointing out someone to blame for problems, one’s own or that of the world. What does it depend on?
«According to Nietzsche, the instinct of cause and guilt is rooted in us because it allows us a sort of self-deception. By shifting attention towards another, pointed out as guilty, we divert it from ourselves and set ourselves up as judges. This attitude has always existed, but today it represents an extreme reaction to insecurity. The more you judge others, the more confident you become. This is the key to understanding the return of many extreme ideologies. It also explains the phenomenon of haters and hatred online, where it is easy to be aggressive because there is no direct confrontation. Blaming and attacking others makes us feel stronger and reduces stress from insecurity.
Uncertainty caused by war or climate gives us anxiety and makes us feel helpless. Is there a way out?
«Great social changes do not happen with revolutions, but with the way the virus slowly enters the organism and spreads. Let’s take responsibility for what is right to do and trigger the virus of positive change. We will influence those close to us, and they in turn will do so with others. It takes time, but something can change. What matters is not having a defeatist attitude. The salvation of the world also passes through the single individual.