The greatest fear of every woman and older. For example, Mayor Femke Halsema called the fate of 17-year-old Lisa from Abcoude, who was attacked on the bike this week after going out. She didn’t survive. On Friday the possible perpetrator came into the picture: a 22-year-old man who was arrested the day before for a serious sexual offense.
Same week, other place: a woman from Zeist is raped in the forest in broad daylight. The man had already approached a woman earlier that day – he fled when she called for help. The messages from Zeist and Amsterdam arrived hard, also with parents of teenage children. They lead to questions and discussions. How do you monitor that thin line between protecting and letting go? What is wise? NRC Three mothers spoke about their concerns, agreements and the confidence that they try to give their children.
‘I find it shocking that girls are blamed for cycling alone’
Judith Fischer (49) has a son (18) and two daughters (16 and 14). The family lives in Amsterdam.
‘During our vacation in Italy we got the news about the death of 17-year-old Lisa. I thought my daughters had already heard it via Snapchat, but when I started it during coffee it turned out not to be the case. They were shocked, but also remained quite sober. At that time much was still unclear. They said: But what do we actually know?
“As a parent you are always worried. It keeps looking for the balance between giving freedom, having trust and still keep an eye on the risks. We live in a suburb of Amsterdam and you know: in a big city happen annoying things. Fortunately, this week’s events are rare. I try to tell myself: the Netherlands is one of the bicycle in the world.
“In our family there are no rules, we always make appointments. During the week they have to be inside because of school between 9 p.m. and 10 p.m., at the weekend we look what is appropriate. ‘Together, together at home’ is a starting point. They can always call us: my daughter recently lost her girlfriend on the Leidseplein in the middle of the night. Her phone was empty and she had left you or she was on a group of girls kicked off and she was on a group of girls or she was on a group of your girls or she was on your girls or she was on your girls or she was on your girls. Parents are there.
“Every child is different: the one is more cautious, the other more laconiek – you try to take that into account as a parent. We may be a bit closer to our daughters, because you considers them unconsciously more vulnerable. At the same time, my son was robbed of a knife at the same time as a game of football, that was a hard time reality check. What I find really shocking is the deployment: that girls are accused of cycling alone, or parents that they allow that. No! That kind of short-skirt logic is the inverted world. Let it be very clear who is wrong. The city belongs to everyone, we teach our children. Also from them. ”
‘Following your children via their phone may give you a safe feeling, but it doesn’t seem healthy’
Gerri van Gerner (47) and her husband have two daughters (16 and 19) and a son (almost 14). They live in Ommen.
“The youngest two go by bike to high school in Hardenberg, 17 kilometers and 17 back, on an electric bicycle. Of course I asked them to be careful. To be honest, I warned them more extensively about the heavy agricultural vehicles that bother past them than for men with wrong intentions. No matter how terrible it is what happened to the girl of 17 at Duivendrecht.
“In the winter, when they have lessons until late and it is dark early, they take the train home. We have agreed that, although they do not find it scary. On a part of the route the service road is hidden behind trees and bushes. I find that an unpleasant piece in the dark.
“I haven’t talked to my daughters about the death of the girl yet. The children were not at home much in recent days, but I don’t think it’s very necessary either. I don’t want to talk to them. In the end people suffer the most suffering.
“The oldest studies in Nijmegen. In the beginning I was awake by the idea that she was cycling from the center of Nijmegen to her boyfriend late at night, who had a room outside the center. That was the first time that I was peaking about it. She thought it was good to do it. And she usually turned out to be cycling there who also lives in the neighborhood.
“If my son goes out when he is a bit older, it will be less an issue. That has to do with physical strength. A man fears a bear, a woman fears a man, my sister always says. If a man attacks a 18 -year -old girl, she has a big problem. With a 18 year old that becomes a lot harder.
“In the province it is more common for teenagers to go everywhere on the bike than in the Randstad, I think. There is no other option, unless someone brings and picks up. You often see a whole string when there is a party somewhere. We used to do that too. Then we cycled to the Dijk room, a disco in Lemele. I never heard about the dangers.
“Parents have become more anxious, I think. My daughters tell about other parents who can see where their children are at any time of the day, via an app on the phone. Sometimes also among people over 18. It may give a safe feeling, but it doesn’t seem healthy for the children. It is a bit of cliché, but raising is also letting go.”
‘The climate for girls is not pleasant. Society has become more individualistic ‘
Martine van ‘t Veld, with her husband Ralph has a daughter (13) and a’ bonus son ‘(19). They live in a wooded neighborhood of Zeist.
“We are a fairly open family. We discuss things that are in the news very consciously. That a woman was attacked in our neighborhood last week is very much in the girlfriend group of our daughter. The three of them recently cycled. Then one of the girls is really anxious.
“Our daughter asked about it.” What do I do when I cycle alone? ” And that is inevitable, she always cycles through the neighborhood.
“She is certainly not afraid. She observes. I fueled that with her. Just like her self -consciousness.” Walk upright. Ray self -confidence. Go to your feelings and go away quickly if it doesn’t feel safe. ” What can you do more as a parent?
“When I was as young as she, I lived in a village, little happened there. And I really had a teenager: nothing will happen to me. My daughter is much more aware of that. The children now also get a lot more on social media.
“The climate for girls is no pleasant. Society is more individualistic than in my girls’ time. Paying attention to each other from care for each other has decreased, that people from the LGBTI community too. The group that does not want to pay attention is getting bigger. Society needs softness.
“When my daughter was eight or nine and was just allowed to cycle to hockey with girlfriends during the day, I bought a safety set for her. With a whistle.” What did you buy, Mom, “she said. She thought it was scary, she didn’t use it. But now she consciously cycles with a whistle in her pocket.”
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