Nothe world of contemporary relationships and dating a new trend has emerged some time ago that tries to redefine the compatibility criteria for couples. The principle is simple: tell me what you hate and I’ll tell you if we can be together. This, in short, is the meaning of grim-keepingwhere grim means “dark” and keeping “guardAccording to this trend, the best way to understand the degree of compatibility with a person is to start by confessing what you hate. A bond that starts from shared aversionstransforming “common antipathies” into a meeting ground.
Here’s how to do it grim-keeping
The grim-keeping describes one rather natural dynamic: two people get closer starting from what they can’t stand, rather than from what they love. We are not talking about hobbies or interests, but about annoyances, waste and small (or large) daily disappointments: from hated foods to social behaviors considered irritating. The effect is often immediate. Recognizing oneself in the same impatience can create a rapid and spontaneous complicity.
In friendship as in love: the affinity that arises from shared hatred
In reality, this is not a new dynamic. In friendship it is very common to experience this type of complicity. There is nothing more comforting than finding yourself accomplices with a friend in trouble, allies against the world.
As a first approach in romantic relationships, however, it is something unusual. What you hate is almost a secretsomething that must be hidden or guarded (keeping) For fear of judgement. De gustibus is not disputandum Let’s be clear, but be a person with difficult tastes makes one less fascinated and pleasant. Furthermore, what you don’t like can become vulnerability: sharing certain aversions also means show more sensitive sides and, in part, expose oneself to the danger of being hurt.
What do you hate most? The question to ask on the first date
Second several relationship expertsnegative affinities work because they are more immediate than positive ones. It is easier to recognize yourself in what you reject than to immediately build a list of common passions. Small everyday moments demonstrate this: leaving together from a place that is too crowded to seek silence, or exchanging a look in front of someone who goes past the queue. They are details that create connection. Shared aversions reflect similar values: lifestyles, sensitivities or habits that emerge precisely through what you choose to avoid.
Getting to know a person, for better or for worse
As he reminded us very well Zendaya in TheDrama, people are complex and to really get to know them you also have to go through the dark side. Sharing negativity can create a fun and heartfelt point of contact. This it doesn’t mean basing the relationship only on what you hate, but welcoming it, understanding it and giving it the right value in in-depth knowledge of another person.
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