“This is not good.” In the night that the bike of the missing Yoran Krol (16) from Sleeuwijk is found on top of the Merwedebrug, these are the first words that his mother Mirjam expresses. Now they form the working title of a book about the loss and mourning. “It’s a book that we never wanted to write.”
Yoran was never found. Almost a year and a half later, the grief for the loss is still felt in Huize Krol. “I only realize what I miss and will always miss,” says Mirjam. Visibly emotionally, she sits with her husband Daniël at the kitchen table, while daughter Thirza enters and Kat Guusje sniffs at a bag.
In the life of the family, in the boisterous night of December 23, 2023, a storm of unprecedented size is bursting, they describe it on their Instagram page ‘Broken gold in mourning’. They are extremely worried if Yoran no longer comes home after a youth evening. Father jumps into the car and mother immediately calls the police and youth center De Pomp in Almkerk, but their son appears to be gone there. They do not doubt for a moment and immediately put a search by car and the bike on the rope.
To exclude the worst, employees of the youth center are going to watch the Merwedebrug. Yoran’s bike is found there. “He shouldn’t be there,” Daniël looks back. The bridge, about twelve kilometers from the youth center, is not on the route home. “Then you know enough,” says Mirjam with a lump in her throat. “This is not good.”
“It’s mourning with the belts you have.”
While searching and the long wait, they pray to God and keep hope. Some time later Yoran’s jacket is found in the water at Papendrecht. Him is searched for with man and power along the Merwede River. It is the greatest civilian action ever in the Netherlands. “A huge heart,” says Mirjam. “It felt surrealistic, as if it wasn’t our story.”
The first year after Yoran’s loss, Mirjams emotions go in all directions. “That was really surviving,” she says. “In the meantime it feels a bit more like life.” Daniël also has a hard time with the lack of his son, but dares to look a little more positively to the future.
According to him, your mourning should not only process, but also intertwined in your life. “It’s mourning with the belts you have.” He explains: “You only move forward if you use both paddles. One paddle is aimed at loss and lack. The other paddle is aimed at recovery and the value that you give to the rest of your life.”
In January last year, 2500 people were looking for Yoran:
The police find no indications of a crime and assume that Yoran ended up in the river and drowned. “We know that 99.99 percent for sure,” says Daniël. “Then you will lay a puzzle yourself, but we don’t know if it is right,” Mirjam assists him. Yoran has not left a farewell letter and his body has still not been found. “We are still determined to find him.”
To this day they miss their social and entrepreneurial boy. Daniël smiles when he tells how proud he was at Yoran’s drive. Mirjam also gets a sparkle in her eyes when she tells how she remembers her son. “We shared the same silly humor. I could always laugh with him.”
Yoran’s friends also miss those moments with him. “If Yoran was there, it was fun, they say to us. He was also a listening ear for them. They knew it was safe to knock on him with their problems.”
In a book that the family is now writing, they put their emotions into words and get to know the reader Yoran. In addition, Daniël, Mirjam and their daughter Thirza share their insights about mourning. “It is sometimes hard to put my feelings and thoughts on paper, but I now experience the mourning and the lack differently,” says Daniël.
They hope that their words are encouraging for others who are dealing with mourning. The family does not linger in the pain of their lack, but lives from the hope it has found in the meantime. “We know that we are going to see Yoran again in heaven,” says Mirjam steadily. “That is the hope we stick to.”
Just like mourning, the book has no deadline. The family wants to take all the time and space for it. The book is expected to be available in mid -2026.
