Although we do not have fever or there are visible wounds, psychic discomfort can also make the simple act of getting up becomes impossible. In his interview with Magazine News, Ana Paula Dutil talked openly about her experience with depression and, above all, about the fault she felt for not being able to be for her children. “I felt useless, a burden, guilty of not being able to accompany them as I should,” he confessed.
Guilt occupies a central place in depressive paintings. As I explain in my book imperfect (the Athenaeum, 2024), depression goes far beyond sadness: it is a pain that invades everything, that isolates us. And when the anger – the other face of anguish – finds no way out, the fault appears and, with her, the persistent feeling of being failing as a mother, as a couple, as a professional or as a friend.
The most difficult thing is that this guilt does not drive or mobilize, but intensifies the discomfort by putting together a vicious circle: I feel bad, I stop doing what I think should, I blame for that, and that internal reproach only worsens what I feel.
In the case of women, and especially mothers, guilt is usually even more intense. Society expects a mother to always be whole, that she can with everything, to prioritize her children above anything. But when anguish is constant and energy is not enough, social mandates press and negatively reinforce the feeling of being failing.
“You don’t have to be afraid of mental illnesses,” says Dutil, and is not a minor phrase. Recognizing that something is not very usually the first step to start healing. Stop holding the image that tries to show that “everything is fine”, when it is not, it is also healthy. And, above all, stop feeling guilty because help is needed.
Many people do not consult in time because they believe that being sad is a sign of weakness, and then they strive to try to solve it alone. When the body hurts we go to the doctor, but when the soul hurts – there is anxiety, depression or other psychic malaise – suffering is minimized because prejudices still weigh.
It is not enough to “put will”, as they maintain with total lightness so many “gurus” New Age In social networks. Asking for help is not weakness but courage. It is not to give up, but to start taking care of yourself. We do not have to be able to with everything.
Testimonies such as Ana Paula Dutil are valuable because it reminds us that mental health does not distinguish achievements or fame. Sometimes who laughs is also suffering and who is silent is not always at peace, as Alejandro Dolina said.
Relief often comes when we give ourselves permission to be wrong, to ask for help or to stop holding a false image. In Truths not saidmy first book written together with Ornella Benedetti, we mentioned that what is sick are not our weaknesses or imperfections, but our obsession to try to hide them. Because healing does not have so much to do with overcome pain, but to stop fleeing what hurts. In Jung’s words, “what you deny submits. What you accept transforms you.”
* Psychologist, author of Imperfect and co -founder of Redpsi. @redpsi @Santiago.Silberman
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By Santiago Silberman*
