SortThe betrayal have been practiced a little. From the star of psychoanalysis, Massimo Recalcati, who in It is no longer like before Professor for forgivenessat Bad Boy Fabrizio Corona, who in the Memoir The great lie broken on the former couples Totti-Blasy and Ferragni-Fedez. By Giulia De Lellis (author of the book The horns are fine on everything. But I was better without!) to the experts of rubble of love such as Ester Perelvery famous therapist of the couple.
Infidelity is pain, but also a business for marriage lawyers, talk shows, sites dedicated to escapades (AdultFriends, Ashley Madison, Victoria Milan, Gleeden), for those who live in gossip, for research companies that run to establish percentages (60 percent men-40 percent women, increasing). For reality shows such as Temptation Islandwhich tests love and obviously loyalty. And for fiction plays such as the Turkish soap Betrayal who really explores all the possibilities, from families parallel to secret children, With a sense of relief, because in the end, we think, it is all invented.
The chronicles are not different from the TV series: horns stories have a hypnotic charm. Just think of the two lovers caught by the “Kiss Cam” at the Coldplay concert, which have become viral. Or to the main Raoul Bova with the alleged betrayal with the model Martina Ceretti and the blackmail of his friend Federico Monzino, his partner Rocío Muñoz Morales caught by surpriseand the twist of the actor who, to defend himself, would have turned to the former mother -in -law Annamaria Bernardini de Pace, the same one who had called him “degenerate son -in -law”. Finally, Cristina Seymondi publicly accused of treason in the summer of 2023 and left by the now ex -boyfriend right at her birthday partyhas recently published Anti -Fragile becomes (Cairo). Martina Maggiore, ex of Cesare Cremonini, told her amazement of girlfriend betrayed in the memoir But what a stupid girl (Mursia).
Betrayal: the infidels do not feel remorse
Infidelity is pain, but provides inexhaustible research material to neuroscience: serial infidels, such as spies, do not feel remorse. In a study just published on Nature Neuroscience, Neil Garrett, psychologist of the University College of Londondiscovers that the only real deterrent is our emotional reaction, our malaise, but the process of adaptation reduces it allowing us to betray more. “In the case of recurrence – he explains – initially they may have felt guilty, but then they did so many times that they have passed the discomfort that derives from having transgressed. The brain scans of the volunteers confirm that people lie more over time: their brain has desensitized to deception ». In short, 49 percent of the interviewees do not exclude that the double love track can become a quiet routine.
Another research on 400 volunteers, published by Archives of Sexual Behaviourit comes to a perhaps predictable conclusion: the people who broke the loyalty pact the first time have a probability three times higher than continuing to do so in other relationships. Even the fear of betrayal is worsening over time. Those who in the past suspected (rightly) of the partner and gave it up have a probability four times greater than accusing the next, regardless of the “crime” tests. All this happens, in the average, between the ninth and the twenty -fifth year of marriage/coexistence. But even before and after, there are no rules. The Nobel Prize writer Mario Vargas Losa, at 79, after celebrating the golden wedding, gave up his wife for Isabel Preysler, ex by Julio Iglesias and widow of the former Spanish minister Miguel Boyer.
Need for exploration
Roberta Guzzardi, psychotherapist and illustrator, in bookstores with the essay Are we light or shadow, monster? (Rizzoli) Wonders: “Why is there so much betrayal? Because there is little education for the initial choice. Let’s meet others in the name of love, with little analysis, without checks, without understanding if those emotions are authentic or the result of conditioning. We try to reduce conflicts by finding a justification: “I needed space, I fell in love, I can’t do anything”. We try to silence the sense of guilt ».
Guzzardi also offers an interesting reading on how the company is “naturally” predisposed to betrayal: «Most of the social occasions, such as dinners, parties, disco evenings, are built on the possibility of creating flirts, seductive -based interactions. The offer of fun, very rich for singles, is poor for couples, is limited to exits with other couples, at the sea with children and little else. The need for exploration, present in each of us, is mortified. Perhaps, also for this reason, in the extreme difficulty of preventing betrayal we end up accepting relationship models that somehow incorporate it, they give him an order, such as the open or “polymorous” couple. We end up changing his name: “emotional adventure”, “expansive experience”, “sentimental exploration” ».
The advice of artificial intelligence
The truth is that betrayal (also virtual, via chat, onlyfans and the like) Forces us to deal with opposite emotions: seduction, Desire, urgency, love and its impossibility, relief, guilt, attraction for the forbidden, the push to control, the madness of suspicion.
To enter a labyrinth of irrational forces. Difficult, in the era of “semi-felic couples”, as Esther Perel calls them in So fan everyone (Solferino): «A marriage adds certain things to life, but takes away others. And let’s see the list. Loyalty kills joy; Joy kills security; Safety kills desire; Desire kills stability. The circumference of a wedding faith encloses contradictory ideals. We ask our man to ask for security, predictability and reliability. But also amazement, mystery, adventure, risk. Give me comfort and keep me on the thorns. Gift me familiar and news. Give me continuity and surprise me. Once we had a clandestine story because the marriage was not required to offer love and passion, While today we have it because it cannot give the love and passion we expected. “
And we arrived at the forums for unfaithful and repentant wives/girlfriends, but halfway. Some testimony: “I betrayed him because I wanted to be desired”. “I betrayed him to try butterflies again in the stomach.” “I betrayed him because he made me feel guilty if the house was not in order.” To them, the omnipresent chatgpt suggests support therapies with support, without judging them.
The beauty of artificial intelligence is that it always gives you reason.