CThere are days when you answer “yes” without thinking about it. An extra commitment is accepted, an uncomfortable conversation is avoided, a necessary no is postponed. You keep everything together – work, family, relationships – and at the end of the day it remains one disturbing sensation: that of having done a lot, but not having really chosen. Being a leader in everyday life does not mean having a title, nor leading a team. It means knowing stay present while you decide. Recognize when you are reacting out of habit, out of fear or to please and when you are really choosing. There leadership, even before being professional, is personal. It’s how you walk into a room, how you approach conflict, how you set boundaries without guilt. And this is where the Co-Active Coaching, developed by Co-Active Training Institute (CTI), it changes perspective: it does not teach how to command better, but how to inhabit oneself better. To transform daily conversations, in the office or at the table, into spaces for awareness and growth.
We talk about it with César Fentanes SerranoMBA and Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Vittoria Zipoli, Professional Certified Executive & Leadership Coach; Donatella Canella, certified ICF accredited Co-Active® Leadership coach and trainerto understand how Co-Active Coaching can help maximize one’s own potential and that of others. At home and at work.
Leadership is first of all leading oneself
«For me today, leadership means first of all knowing how to lead oneself: understanding who we are, what really matters in our lives, what excites us and gives us strength and courage to act even in the most challenging moments. From this one awareness the ability to is born make clear choicesto remain present and steadfast in our actions so that we can live our own relationships more authentically and effectively“, explains Donatella Canella, certified ICF accredited Co-Active® Leadership coach and trainer.
From left: César Fentanes Serrano, Donatella Canella, Vittoria Zipoli
Only one person, in each role
«This is where professional leadership and personal leadership meet. There are no two separate leaderships. The woman who arrives at the meeting is the same one who makes decisions in the family, which knows how to manage its boundaries, which is confronted with doubts, desires, sense of responsibility and the complexity of everyday life. There is only one person, and that person brings their level of presence, clarity and inner strength everywhere”, continues Canella.
The distinctive value of the Co-Active model is that it translates all this into concrete leadership skills. He doesn’t just work on performance or techniques, but on the person as a whole. Teach, for example, ad listen deeplya asking questions that open possibilities instead of closing themto recognize your values, to see more options when you feel stuck and to choose more intentionally. These are key elements of leadership, that is, the ability to adapt with presence and awareness to real situations.
Responsibility and ownership: from reaction to choice
«In Co-Active language, responsibility and ownership are two key words. But they don’t mean carrying everything on your shoulders or thinking you always have to have everything under control. They mean something much deeper: recognizing that, in every moment, I participate in creating my world. For me this was a revolutionary concept. I understood that, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, with every choice I make, with my way of communicating, with what I decide to tolerate or not tolerate, I contribute to creating the quality of my life and my relationships”, adds Donatella Canella.
From automatic reaction to awareness
«This helped me to stop waiting for others to always change and to ask myself different questions: how am I contributing to this situation? What impact am I having? What am I avoiding? Where am I not really choosing? And this is where Co-Active becomes applied leadership. Because it teaches move from automatic reaction to conscious choice.
In relationships, ownership means don’t use the other person as your only source of confirmation or security. In managing emotions it means not being overwhelmed by them, but not repressing them either. It means listening to them as a precious signal, a feedback that the body, heart and mind are offering us, to help us make conscious and targeted choices.
The Co-Active model trains precisely these skills. It teaches presence thanks to the development of skills/competencies such as listening at multiple levels, curiosity, powerful questions, the ability to see new perspectives and create conversations that generate awareness and new actions that lead to change.”
Career-life balance: stopping to clarify
«Balance is a word often present in our conversations, because it describes a life in which we feel overwhelmed by a myriad of commitments and expectations that seem to never end. In this whirlwind of commitments and expectations, we end up living in continuous doingwithout stopping even for a moment to ask ourselves: Where am I going? What really matters to me? Is it my choice or am I automatically saying yes to everything asked of me?”
Distinguish the urgent from the important
«This is where clarity becomes essential. Because often fatigue does not arise only from the quantity of things to manage, but from the fact that we live within confused priorities, very strong external expectations and an internal space that is increasingly narrowing – continues Canella -.
This issue is particularly concrete in Italy, where women’s work continues to be strongly influenced by the conciliation between profession and family life. In this context, co-Active coaching creates one precious space for reflectionwhere you can stop, listen to each other and distinguish the urgent from the important, duty from desirethe automatic response from conscious choice. It helps to recognize where we are acting to please, out of fear or habit, and where instead we want to start making choices dictated by greater honesty and courage.”
From Theory to Practice
A great strength of the co-Active course is that it does not just offer theoretical reflection. It is a deeply experiential and engaging training: from the first moment, you practice on real issues in your life and work. This training gives a real boost to our ability to relate to others, to tackle difficult conversations and to lead with more presence the different roles and responsibilities we manage every day.”
Difficult conversations: staying in touch without attacking or shutting down
«Difficult conversations are one of the most delicate moments of our relational life. They don’t just affect work, but also partners, children, friends. And often what makes them difficult is not the topic itself, but the fear of losing the connection: this is why we sometimes close ourselves off or attack. Co-Active Coaching teaches first of all something very simple and very powerful: stay present“, explains César Fentanes SerranoMBA and Certified Professional Co-Active Coach.
Listening, questions and respect
«Being present means staying in touch with what we feel, without being overwhelmed, and at the same time listening to the other, without mentally preparing ourselves for a response or defense. It’s a fine balance between authenticity and responsibility.
In the Co-Active model we work on three fundamental elements: deep listening, questions that open, not that accuse, and separating the person from the problem.
Communicate authentically it doesn’t mean saying everything we think, but saying what is true (important) for us while maintaining respect for others. And this requires training.
The good news is that the presence is a skill. It can be developed.
And when we learn to stay centered (anchored to ourselves and curious about the other person?), even in the most difficult conversations, we discover that conflict can become a place of growth, not of rupture.”
Impostor syndrome: from brake to superpower
As he explains Vittoria Zipoli, Professional Certified Executive & Leadership Coach, «The so-called “imposter syndrome” in women is almost never a lack of competence, but often the result of an extremely sophisticated neurobiological structure. Neuroscience tells us that the female brain on average has a greater density of connections in the areas responsible for empathy and social cognition. This translates into a natural propensity to evaluate the consequences of one’s behavior not only immediatelybut on the stability of the entire “social structure”».
From external legitimacy to deep-rooted trust
«Biologically, women have a strong sensitivity for future growth: their gaze is intrinsically far-sighted. This gift, if not managed, can turn into an excess of prudence or the fear that too decisive a leadership action could undermine the collective balance.
In Co-Active Coaching, we work for transform this characteristic from a brake to a superpower. Instead of being subjected to the voice of the “Saboteur”, we train the Co-Active Leader to recognize their own integrity and to choose and act coherently.
When a woman understands that the his sensitivity for the future is what makes his guidance necessary and authoritativethe impostor syndrome vanishes, leaving room for an authentic and rooted presence”, concludes Vittoria Zipoli.
The Co-Active® Fundamentals course
«Co-Active® Fundamentals (online from 20 to 22 March 2026) it is not just a course “for coaches”. It’s training that changes the way you live, work, communicate and lead your world. That is, leadership in the fullest sense of the term”, explains Donatella Canella. Co-Active trains precisely this step: from automatic reaction to conscious choice.“It’s not just a course “for coaches”. It’s training that changes the way you live, work, communicate and lead your world. That is, leadership in the fullest sense of the term.”
The introductory module to the training and certification program in the Co-Active model can be the first step of a structured path or a training experience in its own right.
Why do it
Thanks to the emphasis on experiential learning, it offers numerous opportunities to practice coaching and receive specific feedback on the skills acquired. It is ideal not only for those who want to become coaches, but also for those who want to enrich their personal and professional growth.
What you learn
- The Co-Active model and its functioning
- Conscious communication and relational style
- Difference between coaching, mentoring and traditional leadership
- Create effective alliances and align expectations
- The 3 listening levels: internal, targeted and global
- Flexibility and emotional agility of the coach
- Incisive questions to bring out what really matters
- The value of coaching: Over 65,000 coaches and executives use it to be more aware, connected, creative and efficient.
Information and registration are available on the official website coactive.birdscoaching.com/en/foundations.
