Bart de Ruijter (54) from Den Bosch hears voices in his head every day, voices that used to even give him orders. He has been living with psychoses for 35 years, along with ten thousand other Brabanders. This week is Mental Health Week, the moment for Bart to break taboos: “I’m not dangerous or crazy.”
There are about ten thousand people in Brabant with a psychotic vulnerability, says Paul Höppener, psychiatrist at Reinier van Arkel. “These are caused by stress, alcohol and drug use, among other things.”
Friends turn away
Bart de Ruijter is 19 when he experiences his first psychosis. “I studied in The Hague and left home for the first time. I had to deal with year clubs and initiation. That was a very stressful period.” That first psychosis lasts a few days. “You don’t know what’s happening.”
Bart recovers with his parents for a few weeks and then goes back to studying. Later, friends raise the alarm. “I showed confused and strange behavior. I thought, among other things, that messages on radio and television were intended for me.” Bart sees a message in everything. Friends turn away from him and Bart becomes socially isolated. “You are already suffering psychologically and you are also being judged for it by your circle of friends.”
Voices give orders
When Bart is 35, he develops a psychosis that lasts for a month. For the first time he hears voices in his head. Voices that have not gone away to this day. They used to even give him assignments. “You have to be stronger than the voices,” says Bart. “Those voices have complete access to your memory, they communicate with your memory.”
The voices that Bart hears almost every day call him names, among other things. “You shouldn’t argue with them or scold them back, that’s counterproductive. You have to know that they can’t do anything to you. It’s a short circuit in the brain, if you know that you can ignore them. You have to call on the positive voices.”
Yet Bart once addressed the voices in his head 18 years ago. “A voice instructed me to buy a bottle of champagne. I did so. Then I was instructed to sprinkle it on my feet as a ritual.” An innocent assignment, but one that Bart could do nothing about. “It cost me eighty euros.”
Danger to society
It all sounds quite dangerous: seeing messages in innocent messages and voices giving you commands. “But it is not dangerous at all. Only the excesses make the news.” Such as Jarco (29) who suffers from schizophrenia and suffers from delusions. More than a year ago he was psychotic and stabbed his stepfather to death in front of his mother with eight stab wounds.
Psychologist Paul Höppener agrees that this is an excess. “Potentially, some psychotic people can be dangerous, but they are more likely to be a danger to themselves because they isolate themselves and do not take proper care.” Bart notices that those around him sometimes still judge him for his illness. “People see you as a danger. I am absolutely not crazy, I have undergone normal and good development.”
Bart has his psychosis under control
Bart knows very well what causes him to have psychoses: “Working very hard at the jobs I had, alcohol and a lot of stress.” He now has the psychoses under control, partly through work that suits him and his condition. Bart’s last real psychosis was more than 18 years ago. “And I can usually ignore the votes now.”
Six months ago, Bart was close to psychosis again. “I took on too much again. It’s a balance between activities and rest every day.” His psychiatrist, Paul Höppener, is proud of Bart. “Bart is doing very well now. It remains a struggle for him every day, but he has really learned to live with his psychosis. And that is not something to be taken for granted.”
Rest, regularly and being careful with alcohol and drugs are the most important factors in preventing psychosis. Something that is difficult in today’s society. And that worries Bart and psychologist Paul.
Bart now gives lectures at schools, service clubs, police, justice and municipalities, among others, about psychoses and how to deal with them. He has also written the book Keerpunt about his psychosis and recovery.
