How to recognize a narcissist and understand his behaviors- iodonna

Quando describes a pathological narcissist, we often focus on his great sense of selfon his unlimited craving of power and control and on his poor empathy. Instead, their negative practical implications are neglected. For example, the fact that the most effective means that a uses uses to manipulate the other is the other means is underestimatedmoral obligation and therefore the sense of guilt induced by its innate victimism.

Pathological narcissist: the manipulation mechanism

The Mentis Mentis by the victim can be characteristic of many and different types of personality and can constitute a powerful tool of handling. Whoever stands in a momentary condition of disadvantage or difficulty can in fact leverage the sense of guilt altruie on the relative sense of duty that has accompanied us since we were children.

From an early age they have hardly taught us to self -pay us or listen to our emotions and feelings, more often they have taught us to take care of others, not to bother, to be good, calm and patient, to suppress our needs to satisfy those of others and so, when someone is bad, we feel compelled to help him, even if this means canceling or postponing our projects and objectives.

Because the pathological narcissist feels like a victim

An interesting search for McCuloough and collaborators of a few years ago, published in the well -known magazine PErsonality and Social Psychology Bulletinhighlighted how the pathological narcissist is frequently fed unjustly in interpersonal dynamics. In fact, if we think about it, this is easily understood. If the narcissist feels special and deeply believes that he deserves a corresponding treatment, even simply accepting a no can be a cause of victimization.

In the narcissist’s mind, everything he does is exceptional and also for example a very normal commission turns into a remarkable undertaking. This happens because, by emphasizing himself, the narcissist It will always find a way to make us feel lower, inadequate or wrong. In this perspective, the narcissist could therefore really perceive yourself as a victim. In other circumstances, it deliberately falls in this specific role to obtain its advantages and personal benefits.

Little self -awareness

In general, people with narcissistic traits have difficulty being aware of their behaviors and the impact they have on others. Even when you point it out calmly and gracefully, initially pretend to be understanding and then repeat the same behavior for the umpteenth time. In some cases they could not to be able to recognize it even when you tell you explicitlyalso coming to deny the evidence. To protect their grandiose sense of themselves they can come to attack you if only you point out an inconsistency in their behavior. Or, if put on the corner, they begin to fall into the role of the victim. Therefore create a scenario in which the narcissist is the misunderstood And on the contrary you are the ungrateful on duty: insensitive, disrespectful and unrecognizing in spite of everything that’s right for you.

How to defend themselves from the dynamics of the narcissist

So what can we do to get out of this dysfunctional and disabling dynamics? First of all, we could accept that we cannot change others, nor to convince them to understand each other, making mistakes if we set aside to seek understanding and support in those who can never offer them. Who suffers from pathological narcissism he will always keep the others to have complicated him or worse his lifeby placing itself on a victim plan because, in a completely contradictory and ambivalent way, although it is perceived as a grandiose, it does not accept one’s responsibilities, thus guiding the other. So you are explained why the pathological narcissist suddenly passes from the role of the hero to the role of the victim.

How not to be victims of the narcissist

And what can we do for ourselves and consequently for our self -esteem and self -efficacy? For example, we can follow our way independently and safely, becoming the heroes of ourselves. We can also stop making us define and condition by the actions and words of others and finally start defining us and Choose alone.

Learn listen to our needs and respect them, making us slip on the critical words and actions, severe and unjust from the manipulator. All this is possible when we manage to establish ourselves and therefore take care of ourselves and to love us, even by accepting us for what you are and for what you are not. However, someone has hardly taught us to do it, that is, to affirm themselves as deserving, adequate people, worthy of love and complete, but now the time has come to put it into practice, starting or starting from themselves.

When loving hurts, the book on emotional dependence

THE’Lovein its healthiest and most constructive manifestations, represents a profound and Innate human needand implies an important motivation and a safe and functional attachment to others. Vice versa, When love turns into habit to sufferuntil it becomes what is called a real “emotional dependence”, it places itself as a pain capable of bringing serious problems psychological, physical and relational.

In this condition, increasingly widespread in the contemporary world, the couple’s relationship is experienced as an indispensable prerequisite for one’s existence and this represents the antithesis of love towards oneself.

In this volume the author provides a thorough, complete and detailed examination of the emotional dependence, based on an exhaustive analysis of the scientific literature currently existing.

The goal is to provide the reader with a clear idea of ​​what emotional dependence is, how it is conceptualized and how it can be manifested. In addition to his causes and strategies and intervention techniques to face it and overcome it.

The author

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