THE‘the other evening I saw On the rocksa film by Sofia Coppola in which the protagonist is pushed to believe by her own father that her husband is cheating on her. Father and daughter thus begin an adventure that leads them to spy on her husband in the hope of catching him red-handed. In the end, the truth is revealed: the husband did not cheat on his wife at all, with whom he was very much in love, rather the father had a desire to spend time with his daughter and had insinuated suspicion into his daughter just so he could spend some time with her.
Selene Calloni Williams: «The myth of Hippodamia takes us back to the father»
The whole meaning of the film is gathered in the opening sentence pronounced by the father: «And remember, you are mine until you get married, and even when you get married you will still be mine!». In a case like this, from a symbolic point of view, imaginal psychology takes us back to the narration of the myth of Hippodamia.
Daughter of the king of Pisa, Oenomaus, Princess Hippodamia she couldn’t find a husband because her father didn’t allow it. Oenomaus, in fact, challenged all his suitors in a horse racing competition. He had divine horses, which had been given to him by the god Hephaestus and therefore he was unbeatable.
All his opponents were killed after losing. Until Prince Pelops arrives in Pisa and adopts a different behavior from all the others. He convinces Mirtilo, the king’s coachman, to replace the nails in the king’s chariot with wax nails. During the race the wheels of Oenomaus’ chariot come off and he dies when he is overwhelmed by the horses. Pelops and Hippodamia get married.
«The couple’s crisis often originates from difficulties with the father»
Sofia Coppola’s film, like the myth of Hippodamia, shows us how a crisis in a couple’s relationship can be connected to a difficulty with the parental figure. But, in truth, we build our relational models on the basis of unconscious tendencies that, despite centuries of psychological investigations and philosophical speculation on the psyche, remain fundamentally mysterious.
Rationally we would be led to think that a daughter may idealize her father and fail to establish satisfying romantic relationships with other men, inor how much he unconsciously or consciously considers it as an unsurpassable model. The paternal figure would then be seen as an emotional point of reference that is too strong and preclusive with respect to the possibility of meeting a person who can replace him in some way.
If, however, a daughter had a despising father, we might think that she is looking for relationships capable of replicating similar dynamics, even if painful, because these are the only relational methods she knows. This phenomenon is often called compulsive repetition of familiar patterns.
Selene Calloni Williams: «Anger towards the father can damage future relationships»
On the contrary, in a daughter he had despised the father could see an accumulation of repressed anger which, if not processed, could damage his future relationships. Anger towards her father, if left unaddressed, could be projected onto other men in her life. In other words, the daughter may see men as dangerous or untrustworthy, even when they are not, or she may conflict with her male partners in unwarranted ways.
But, even after making all these connections, analyzes and reasoning, we would still be left facing the mystery: because, in fact, a daughter has a parent who despises her or because she has come to despise her own parent? The rational mind never leads to a final decisive answer, human destiny always remains shrouded in mystery, life can never be fully explained by the mind.
The therapeutic spell
The poetry of myth ultimately gives us greater satisfaction and, perhaps, even deeper healing than rational analysis. This is why, even psychology, in the end, recurs to myth, emotion, poetry to operate a sort of “therapeutic spell”.
The latter consists in transferring the human story from the individual level – in which the person is the victim of what happens to him – to a mythological, i.e. universal, level in which we are beyond good and evil and therefore we can experience emotions and feelings with great intensity without falling victim to it, we can be alive at very high degrees of intensity with enthusiasm and not with suffering.
Selene Calloni Williams: «Feel the sisterhood with Ippodamia»
If you have a tendency not to trust your partners, to despise them, if you are afraid of being betrayed or have intimacy problems and you feel like you are engaging in behaviors that undermine the relationship such as avoiding communication, distancing yourself emotionally leading to destructive behavior, you could greatly improve your condition simply through the poetry of myth.
Feel the sisterhood with Hippodamia. Maybe your father was some kind of god to you, maybe you despised him for his violent and abusive behavior, or for his deceptions towards other people, in any case the father is an archetypal figure of the unconsciousan image of the psyche that is useful for feeling emotions and emotions are the lifeblood.
«Emotion is conscious energy»
Owning your emotions, rather than judging them and falling victim to them is your mission. Don’t play the role of the victim, don’t think that, because you had a certain type of father, you now have difficulties in your relationships. Instead, say to yourself, “If this happens to me, I want to live up to it.” Recognize the eternal, poetic and profound emotions, the gods who are with you. The gods are not to be venerated, feared or even believed in, they are only to be recognized.
Recognize that being alive means having emotions and that there is no such thing as a positive or negative emotion, rather emotion is conscious energy and its function is purely to existto vibrate and to do this the emotion does not need a reason. You will see that the myth you put on the scene of life by living will transform, you will become its narrator and you will be able to co-create your future rather than being its victim.
Selene Calloni Williams’ Agora column returns in a fortnight, on February 3rd.
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