NoYou would never have said it, but instead. Let’s hope after yearswhen you thought that chapter was closed forever, that’s it your partner’s ex reappears from the past as in a film already seen, determined to reaffirm its place in history. A nostalgic message that pushes all the right (emotional) buttons, any excuse to get closer. And, in a moment, your balance as a couple is broken.
If your partner’s ex has come knocking on his door again (which is also yours), It’s easy to panic. But reacting on impulse, in these cases, can be the biggest mistake. We asked the expert about reveal to us the best psychological strategy to face the situation without succumbing. The secret? Safeguard yourself first and foremostand then build one response capable of strengthening lovenot to destroy it. Here we explain how to do it in practice.
The couple thermometer: emotional closeness and distance
«When an ex shows up again, managing to creep in and make space, the first indicator of a possible problem is the emotional distance created between the couple. This void manifests itself as an absence of attention, a lack of sharing or a decline in common planning”, explains the Dr. Elisa Stefanati, EMDR psychologist at Aesthe Medica Ferrara medical-surgical clinic. «Emotional distance can be a sign that the relationship is experiencing an attack on its boundaries. This is why it is essential to monitor the level of communication: if it drops or stops, the red lights come on. Emotional closeness, on the contrary, is the glue that protects the couple from external intrusions.”
Dealing with the reappearance of your partner’s ex: dialogue is the key
«When the ex reappears in your partner’s life, It becomes very important to maintain dialogue within the couple», underlines Stefanati. «Talk openly with your partner to understand his attitude towards this person and to avoid dangerous and painful misunderstandings. Silences often hide unresolved traumas which can damage the relationship. Transparency between you is essential: a relationship with an ex must be closed and unambiguous. It is also important that you can express your emotions, including insecurities or jealousy, without fear of appearing vulnerable».
What to do if your partner’s ex comes back? (Getty Images)
Strengthen self-esteem: never compare yourself to your partner’s ex
«The key to not feeling threatened is remember that every person has a past and this must not become a yardstick”, advises Dr. Stefanati. «Never compete with an ex: what matters is that your partner he chose you todayfor who you are, for your personal value. Every past experience has contributed to making you the person you are, and this applies to him too. Working on your self-esteem means valuing your uniqueness and welcome the relationship with trust and serenity.”
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