It’s very cliché, but like many other Dutch people, I will also file for a divorce after these holidays. I’ve tried to make this marriage work. I really tried, but for me the cake is finished.
I knew my husband wasn’t a sweetheart when I got into this relationship, that other female beauty continued to lure him. But I could not have imagined that he would cheat on me so often.
Hiding his adventures
He thinks I don’t realize it, while he’s really careless about hiding his adventures. Or I’m good at inventing, it just depends on how you look at it. A suspicious person turns into half a Sherlock Holmes, I know all about that.
It’s all so obvious too. Credit card charges, texts on his phone, allegedly working overtime, staying overnight with a friend who ‘coincidentally’ calls to ask if he feels like doing something, his strange smell when he comes home after a night out and his mysterious disappearances at a party, after which he suddenly reappears. I’m not blind! And every time I feel so hurt.
I always defended him
I think my friends knew before I did. They’ve often asked me if he wasn’t cheating, but I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. I’ve always defended him, but that even others know now makes me not only sad, but furious. He doesn’t even bother to hide his deceit.
I confronted him about it once, but he managed to convince me that I am the only one for him, that I should have a little more faith in him. In addition, he is doing well financially and we have everything our heart desires. And not to forget: he is a treasure for our children.
Half the schoolyard
It breaks my heart that I have to do this to the children. But it makes me very unhappy that he has no respect at all for my feelings, that he makes me feel so silly and especially that he makes a fool of me like that.
Half the schoolyard knows how he treats me and I pretend to be above it, but I can’t take it anymore. Then just a simpler life in which I do feel happy.
Last holidays together
Everyone in our family is always so looking forward to Christmas and New Years. I therefore couldn’t bring myself to take the holidays from the children together now. Everything will be different after the holidays. For everyone. Have a little more bite. I do feel uncomfortable with that, but it’s zero sense. I’m used to it by now. Part one of the holidays has already been successful, with Christmas I was already able to keep up appearances.
And then hope for understanding when I tell them. Understanding my children, not his! They are now a bit older, almost grown up in fact. I am convinced that if I choose for myself, I feel better, that I will be happier.
The right path
I am sure that after this I can guide my children better, be there for them more. From sincerity. I think I can point them in the right direction in that sense. I want to show them that you have to live from your heart and not from your mind. That you can also be strong as a person on your own. That you don’t always have to have someone next to you, especially if that other person is hurting you. That you are stronger than that.
But first I’ll have to bite through the sour oliebol. And I see it as a mountain against it.