Mother: “My twenty-year-old son has finished his studies and is working as an actor in films and series. These are casual shooting days: he earns reasonably well per day, but he also has longer periods without income. He is also working on his own creative projects, which are not earning him any money for the time being.”
“He lives with me, which I like. With my income, if I pay close attention, I can save just a little bit every month. I probably qualify for housing allowance, but due to my son’s income, this could no longer be the case next year. He contributes a hundred euros a month to the groceries. Is it appropriate to ask him to contribute more? I hesitate, because I think it is important that he can save and retains creative freedom.”
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Prepare
Karin Radstaak: “It is important for all kinds of reasons to ask your working son for board allowance. This gives him insight into what a household costs and you prepare him for the moment when he does leave home.”
“That is extra important if he will have irregular income for a long time. When he contributes monthly, he learns that it is necessary to reserve money for all those monthly expenses that continue as normal. Because he still lives under your safe roof, this is an ideal training situation.”
“It starts with getting a clear financial picture for 2026. Do this immediately together with your son. You can calculatejerecht.nl make a test calculation to see whether your income does indeed qualify you for housing allowance, and what it means financially if this disappears due to your son’s earnings.”
“Then go through all fixed costs together, such as energy, internet connection, insurance and grocery expenses. Discuss together what a fair distribution would be. You can agree on an amount based on what he uses at home, or based on both parties’ ability to pay. There are calculation examples for board costs on the Nibud website.”
“If you can afford it, you can save his contribution for him and give it to him later as a gift, but I wouldn’t tell anyone. Don’t do that if you’re doing yourself a disservice.”
To practice
Leo Molenaar: “What a wealth that your child has found something he likes so much, and it is very understandable that you would prefer to give him the space for it. However, in this case I would not opt for self-sacrifice, but rather take the opportunity to let him practice financial self-reliance.”
“Put together all your finances together. You can do this yourself in Excel or via something like the ‘Lazy Money Manager’ of the website Ikbenjanmodaal.nl. That site also contains ‘Sidehustle Dossiers’, ways for starters on the labor market to earn money in addition to irregular creative work.”
“Put your joint income and expenses in those Excel sheets, or in another program. If possible, also include a savings amount, because that is a necessity, not a luxury. Look together at what is needed to complete the budget.”
“That may mean that your son has a little less time for his creative activities. That is the reality, and not your shortcoming. In this way you make your son co-responsible and prepare him for an independent future in which finances always play a role. Even if you are not really interested in money.”
Karin Radstaak is Youth spokesperson at Nibud, the National Institute for Budget Information. Leo Molenaar is dean at the Murmellius Gymnasium and career counselor at the Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam, among others.
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