After today, January 6, Epiphany has passed and this concludes the Christmas period, also mentally. Many Christmas trees have disappeared from the house after this day and we stop wishing each other a Happy New Year. These are unwritten rules, but many adhere to them. Neuropsychologist and behavioral scientist Chantal van den Berg knows why and explains it in the Omroep Brabant radio program KEIgoeiemorgen!.
“These kinds of unwritten rules give us something to hold on to. You adhere to the social norm,” explains the Eindhoven neuropsychologist. “Nowhere does it say exactly how you should behave during this period, which is why they are unwritten rules.”
Humans are complicated
“The funny thing is that many people participate in this voluntarily. It causes much less resistance than, for example, the ban on putting your towel over a bed at the pool before eight o’clock on holiday,” the Eindhoven native gives as an example.
“Humans are a complicated species in that regard,” the behavioral expert continues. “If we impose strict rules with rights, obligations and prohibitions, this causes grumbling. If there are unwritten rules, we often comply with them obediently or we shrug our shoulders about them, without hassle.”
Lots of unwritten rules
There are of course many more unwritten rules that we adhere to, Chantal easily lists a few. “You don’t say what you earn at work, we choose the middle toilet when there are several, and on a birthday we also congratulate the others on the birthday boy or girl.”
“Unwritten rules give you control, you decide whether you stick to them or not. We like that. We have control over the situation.”
There is always more to it
Yet there is more to unwritten rules, the Eindhoven native knows. “There is always something behind someone’s decision to adhere to an unwritten rule. You belong to a group by wishing each other the best or congratulating each other. We choose the middle toilet most often, according to scientific research (ed. toilet rolls need to be replenished most often in those toilets) because we think it is the cleanest.”
Of course, there are always people who do not adhere to those unwritten rules. “There is more to that too,” says Chantal. “I myself have fled from all the unwritten rules surrounding Christmas and New Year. I am on holiday. I feel uncomfortable and avoid these unwritten rules by literally not leaving home these first days of the year.”