In 2013, we made it our mission to remind music fans that it is our duty to behave at least a little civilized at concerts. We didn’t want to prohibit anyone from drinking, dancing or having fun. We just wanted people to stop acting extremely annoying. And thereby disturbing everyone around you.
Unfortunately, the world didn’t listen. In fact, 2013 seems like a harmless and respectable era now, considering we now live in the twisted dystopian nightmare that is 2025.
Smartphones were no longer a novelty back then, but most people could at least remember a time when they weren’t surgically attached to them around the clock.
New rules for a new time
Instagram was still relatively new, TikTok little more than a vague idea in the collective consciousness of the Chinese Communist Party, and the pandemic had not yet robbed us of the basic social norms we used to follow when we left the house.
That’s why we’ve put together this new list of appropriate behavior for concerts. Some points are updated versions of the old rules, others reflect the changes we have undergone over the past twelve years. And yes, some of you won’t agree with everything. They’ll think we’re stuffy fun-lovers who need to learn how to party. They are part of the problem. And if we start the whole thing again in 2037, things will certainly be even worse.
Talk at the bar – even during the opener you don’t know
If you look around at a concert, you’ll usually see a pretty diverse mix of people. The only thing that connects us all is that we bought a ticket for this very concert. That means we want to hear the music. We don’t want to hear you talk.
If you don’t like the opener or feel bored at a moment, please go to the lobby or hallway, grab a drink and have a chat there. You and your friend are welcome to perform a staged reading of the My Dinner With Andre script, we don’t care. Just please don’t sit in your seats and shout at each other over the music. We hear you all. It’s extremely annoying. (And if you’ve had a few cocktails, you have no idea how loud you are. But you are very, very loud.)
Help crowd surfers and keep your hands up
That’s not an issue when you see, say, James Taylor at the Tanglewood Music Center or Engelbert Humperdinck at the Westgate Las Vegas Casino & Resort. But if you’re in a club full of young people and some start moshing, be a decent human being and help out.
Raise your hands, move towards the crowd surfers and help direct them safely. This isn’t always easy, and it can happen that you accidentally get kicked in the head. But the alternative is some poor kid hitting his head on the concrete. Nobody wants that. If you don’t feel like crowd surfing, head to the back when things get wilder.
Respect the rules and don’t push yourself forward
Shortly after the lights go out at open-entry events, there are almost always one or two idiots aggressively pushing their way to the front. They don’t care that many people ahead of them have waited several hours to secure their spot.
If you observe this and are brave, position yourself so that they have a hard time getting past. If you’re feeling particularly brave, you can even tell them they’re breaking the sacred code of the mosh pit. (Perhaps you should phrase it a little more diplomatically.) And above all: never be that ruthless pusher yourself. If you want a good seat, come earlier. It’s that simple.
Stop watching Setlist.fm during the show
For every band like Phish that varies their setlists from night to night, there are about fifty acts like Lady Gaga who basically play the same setlist throughout a tour. If you want to know what’s playing in advance, setlist.fm has you covered.
But once the show starts and you’re surrounded by people who may not have been checking, please stop staring at this damn website. In recent years this has become a real problem: you look around and see several people fixated on setlist.fm. And it’s not even a quick glance. You study it like the Talmud, with the screen brightness at maximum. I speak for many when I say: I don’t want to know what comes next. And even if I checked weeks before, I didn’t memorize it. Please give me the chance to be surprised.
Don’t throw anything on stage
Do you really have to say that? Don’t throw beer bottles at the artists. Don’t throw coins. And don’t even throw away your demo tape or a handwritten letter. Have you all lost your minds?
In 2004, someone threw a lollipop at David Bowie, hitting him right in his good eye. He howled in pain and shock. Wherever this lollipop guy is today, I hope you’re proud of yourself.
Pay attention to when you sit and when you stand
We touched on this last time, but it’s important enough to repeat. If you are at a concert with fixed seating, especially in a theater with poor visibility, it is your duty to make sure the people behind you can see.
You can’t be angry with the entire crowd. But if most people are sitting and you’re the one person standing up and blocking everyone’s view, then don’t do it. We know your favorite song has just started and you want to dance. But it’s not worth it. A good rule of thumb is to stay seated when you have a completely clear view of the stage. Your fun isn’t worth upsetting a lot of other people with worse seats. (Decent people disagree here and think they should be allowed to get up at any time. They should think about older people who can’t stand for long or just don’t want to bother anyone behind them.)
Dim your display and turn off the flash
In an ideal world, people wouldn’t use their cell phones at concerts at all. But if you give in to the urge, please at least turn the brightness all the way down. In complete darkness, a cell phone is extremely bright and incredibly distracting.
I don’t need to see your Instagram feed while I’m trying to enjoy a concert. And if you’re filming, at least turn off the flash. Not only does it blind everyone around you, but it often also disturbs the artists on stage.
Stop the “Freebird” joke
He wasn’t funny in 1978. He wasn’t funny in 1996. And he wasn’t funny the first 9,000 times. And he isn’t now either. We don’t mind a bit of humor at concerts. But for heaven’s sake, think of something new. “Freebird!” Screaming is more worn out than a Shecky Greene number at the nightclub.
Stop filming and taking photos
If you ignore everything else on this list, then please read this point. We stare at screens all damn day. A concert is an opportunity to put them away and experience something that actually happens in real life.
For reasons that remain completely mysterious, a large portion of the audience prefers to look at a tiny cell phone screen when they could simply look up and experience it all with their own eyes in super high-definition reality. Some even do this in the front row when the artist is only a few centimeters away. This is madness.
Yes, they take photos and videos. But they’re horrific photos and videos that you probably won’t look at a second time. Put your damn phone in your pocket. Watch the show. Live in the moment for a precious hour or two. We used to do this all the time. We can do this again. (I know, I’m an old man screaming at a cloud. I don’t care. These stupid cell phones are melting our brains, and someone has to say it.)