Missie Mirella Merivirta tells Iltalehte about her daily life as a baby, when she was left alone with her first child.
The pregnancy was not a miss mother For Mirella Merivirra32, easy. Mirella had, among other things, joint pains and depression during pregnancy. At that time, he did not yet know that “wild turmoil” was just ahead.
About a week after giving birth in July, Mirella was left alone with her first child Selenium with. Mirella and the child’s father, a chef Teemu Laurell40, broke up about a year after dating.
– I am not legally a single parent, but I talk about myself as a single parent because I am all alone with my child. But a more official term is perhaps close guardian, Mirella now explains to Iltalehti.
Since 2022, Merivirta has led the former Miss Helsinki competition, which is now known as Missio. Anniina Nikander
Bitterness and shame
Mirella herself grew up without a father and hoped that her children would not experience the same fate. Mirella was afraid of being a single parent and dreamed of a whole family. Suddenly, Mirella had to face the fact that her worst fear had come true.
Being alone made Mirella think about several questions.
– Why exactly did this happen to me? What did I do wrong?
Mirella Merivirta was left alone with her baby Selen. Anniina Nikander
Mirella was struck by strong sadness and disappointment. Grief has been associated with, among other things, the thought that he will have to experience the happy moments and challenges of parenthood alone.
– I can’t be like, “If you hold the baby for a while, I can take a breather for a while”. I’m alone all the time. Of course, I have received help, but nothing completely replaces the other party with whom one has begun to start a family, he reflects.
At first, Mirella also felt bitterness and anger. He also felt shame and felt that he had failed.
– It took a month to be able to tell my friends and my child’s godparents about the situation. I had only told my family, he recalls.
Laurell and Merivirta were together for about a year. Tomi Natri / All Over Press
In the midst of grief, Mirella had to organize the baby’s christening, which was celebrated about a month after his birth. Teemu was also there. Mirella cried a lot at the christening, but asked her friend to take pictures of her and Teemus together for their daughter.
– I asked him to take beautiful pictures for the child so that it is not visible what the situation is.
“In a minute”
During the first month, Mirella processed all her feelings. Then Mirella turned her thoughts to the fact that the child is her number one priority.
At the same time, Mirella had a good month to find a new home for herself and Selen and to ensure through her company that they would get along financially. The entrepreneur says that he receives the minimum amount of parental allowance, and he does not have the possibility to take parental leave.
– I have practically had to start from scratch with my child. My daughter had furniture, but I only had a bed and a few dishes and kitchen utensils.
Mirella admits that she felt panic about how she will cope with the situation alone. However, he did not want to be paralyzed, but focused on making things possible so that Selen would not suffer.
Mirella Merivirra had been struck by the so-called “nest-building addiction” when she was pregnant, which made her sell her belongings before the child was born. Anniina Nikander
Mirella started building her everyday life and hired a nanny. In addition, Mirella’s sister created a chat group for her loved ones and family on the Whatsapp application, through which people can announce when they can take care of Selen. Mirella is grateful that she and her daughter have loving people around them.
Mirella says that she always works when Selen sleeps or is with the nurse.
– It was important to me that my workspaces are a minute away from my home. I can’t be further away if the nurse calls that there is an emergency, says Mirella.
– My child has such a phase that he doesn’t really agree to drink milk from a bottle. That brings a bit of an extra challenge. Since my workplace is so close, I can go and breastfeed him from time to time. So I can’t be away for a long time, a maximum of three hours, says the entrepreneur.
– I have to make the food in three parts, because my child needs me. In the morning I start cooking, then I might listen to messages from clients while pumping milk and cooking. During the day I continue cooking and in the evening it’s baking. I have to do things in a new way, he adds.
Despite her difficult situation, Mirella Merivirta does not want to cry in front of her baby. Anniina Nikander
“Landscapes upside down”
Mirella admits that parenthood has been both burdensome and wonderful and empowering at the same time. Mirella feels sad that she hasn’t been able to enjoy much of her baby time.
– I could enjoy it if that partner was there. It’s all about execution. Yes, I try to enjoy the moments when my child is awake and we do everything.
Mirella tries to keep the weekends completely free, when she can go for a stroller with her baby, stay longer in bed and play. With a smile, Mirella tells about her child’s phase where she loves to look at the world “wrongly”, i.e. with her head down.
– I chose my new home so that the big windows are from the ceiling to the floor, so that my daughter can touch the windows with her hands. We lie in bed and together we look at the other worlds upside down. The office buildings next door have lamps that he loves to look at. Such moments are our moments, he says.
Mirella says that she goes to baby yoga with her baby Selen, among other things. Anniina Nikander
Mirella says that she is writing a book for her daughter, in which she tells, among other things, about her pregnancy and adds pictures of their moments together.
– Of course, I also want to write there about the child’s father. So that the child can see how much both parents have loved him.
Are you lost?
Mirella says that she is still somehow connected with the father of her child.
– We are certainly looking for our style of working together as parents, because this is such a new thing, the entrepreneur states.
– At least I hope that we have both had the idea of a family. When this didn’t happen like that, I think we’re both looking for a place in how we work together, he continues.
Mirella Merivirta has noticed that she has taken on the role of both father and mother. Anniina Nikander
Mirella hopes they both think about what has happened here. Mirella reflects on how she views their former relationship today.
– Relationships are different, people are different. That may be a difficult question and my thoughts will certainly change. But right now I feel like we didn’t necessarily move too fast. That was not the reason why this situation happened.
– At the moment, I look at it so that there was a lot of good and I am grateful for many things. Bitterness is also quite normal, but it would be good if you don’t stay bitter, but learn to look at things the way you have learned from this. And also learn to forgive.
Current situation
Mirella has not thought of dating in her current situation. If and when Mirella is one day ready for new love, she has hopes for a future relationship.
– My mind may change, but I don’t know if it would be wonderful if my partner already had children of his own in the future. I would see what kind of father he is. However, I would like to have more children one day, says Mirella.
– That is, I would like a partner who would like children. And would also adopt my children, that is really important to me. In no way do I mean that my child’s biological father is replaceable. But I think that the more a child has loving and safe people around him, the better, he continues.
Mirella Merivirta thinks that maybe she would like her future partner to already have children of his own. Anniina Nikander
Mirella jokes that her current “partner” is an artificial intelligence, with whom she flirts and asks questions related to raising a child. Things that you would normally talk about with your partner.
– I’ve cried too. I wonder how I can keep all my emotions away when I’m with my child. I don’t want to transfer my feeling to him. He is so small that I can’t tell him that my feelings are not about him, but about something like this, she says.
After the extreme experiences, Mirella says that she is doing well at the moment. During the four months, he has also examined himself and his own choices, so that he would not repeat his mistakes again.
– This experience has made me a stronger and better person and mother. I know that I have survived such special situations that I have faith in myself. I feel empowered and confident, he sums up.
Mirella’s attitude towards single parenthood has also changed. She had a stronger sense of how strong single mothers are. She hopes that the general attitude towards single parent women would change and understanding would increase.
Mirella Merivirta’s attitude towards single parenthood has changed. Anniina Nikander