Ralf Staart to the roundabout in Moergestel. A place where something happened two years ago that he carries with him forever. After a cheerful day in the Efteling with his family, everything changed when he saw a motorcyclist on the floor on the way back: “I immediately saw: this is wrong.” He got out of his car and started resuscitation with one of the friends of the motorcyclist and an ANWB employee. The motorcyclist was the 27-year-old Rick from Kaatsheuvel. “I was convinced that we would save him.”
When the care providers arrived and the resuscitation was taken over, Ralf felt powerless. “I had done what I could and thought it was time to go.” As he walked away, he was approached by a police officer who asked him if he needed victim help. Shortly thereafter the resuscitation stopped. “I said: how nice, it worked!” But the agent told Ralf the news that hit like a bomb: Rick hadn’t survived.
Ralf continued his walk home: “I heard Rick’s girlfriend screaming behind me:” That’s my friend! ” I will never forget that sound again. “
The weeks after the accident, Ralf tried to contact Rick’s family. But he decided to let it go: “I thought: those people already have enough to process.” Until more than a year and a half later he read an article in which Marjon told about the motorcycle accident and lack of her son Rick. Ralf immediately recognized the story and contacted the editors of Omroep Brabant. That’s how he finally came into contact with Marjon.
The two meet at Marjon’s home in Tilburg. “I thought it was very special that Ralf contacted us. I was very nervous for our appointment. We had no idea that, besides Rick’s friends and the man of the ANWB, more people were involved,” says Marjon Herber.
The meeting was also exciting for Ralf: “I hoped I wouldn’t say wrong things and that I had all the answers she was looking for.”
Unfortunately, Ralf could not give all the answers that Marjon was looking for: “I had hoped that Rick was still so knowledge when Ralf arrived that he had said something. You have so many questions about his last moments,” Marjon says with tears in her eyes. Ralf: “That was also very difficult for me. You hope to be able to bring something she would like to know, but Rick was no longer approachable.”
Marjon and Ralf only came into contact with each other two years after the accident. “I also wanted to give the family the space in their mourning,” he says. “Perhaps it was good that the contact came now.”
Marjon also tried to reach bystanders at the time. “A map was addressed to me at the scene of the accident, with an address. I sent a card to it, but never heard anything back.” Via Victim Support she received no information about civilian helpers. “Perhaps it would help if someone, like the family detective, could share something more in it. The statements we read were anonymous.”
How do civilian helpers and relatives come into contact with each other?
There is no fixed protocol for the police for bringing care providers or bystanders with relatives after a serious accident. In the event of injury accidents, the police often use a family agent who can mediate if there is a need for contact from both parties. Whether data can be exchanged depends on the specific situation and whether someone is officially registered as a witness.
Ambulance services sometimes work with heart4all bracelets. In the event of a resuscitation or serious accident, the civilian counselor and the patient or his family each receive a wristband with a unique code. Through the Hart4all website Can they indicate whether they want contact. If both of them do that, they will be linked.
If the distribution of bands is not possible, those involved can later contact the ambulance service. This can – within the boundaries of privacy legislation and the professional secrecy of ambulance personnel – try to meet questions or a need for completion.
The impact of the accident both still feel every day. “When my girlfriend gets home too late, I immediately get stressed,” says Ralf. “We now have clear agreements about at home.” Marjon nods: “I no longer stop my phone at night. If someone comes home late or does not respond immediately, the unrest strikes. You live more alertly, more anxious.”
For Ralf, the contact brought lighting: “I thought for a long time I had to wear this alone. But with Marjon I felt: we share this. We recognize that fear, that alertness. We recognize that from each other. That’s nice.”
Marjon also looks back on the meeting with Ralf with a good feeling. “You grab everything that has to do with Rick’s last moments. Ralf now also makes part of that, just like friends and family. Some questions remain unanswered. But the fact that Ralf has contacted and so committed gives comfort.”
