In the collective imaginary, the adoption remains associated with the arrival of a newborn. However, Most of the boys who are waiting for a family in Argentina have already spent the first years of life. Children of 5, 6, 7 or 8 years and also adolescents, over time, see the hope of being chosen.
In recent weeks, A clothing brand, Key Biscayne, was at the forefront of a baptized awareness campaign, “Love beyond blood “in which he takes up the topic with sensitivity: through a series of video podcasts, the entrepreneur Nicolás Cuño talks with figures such as Inés Estévez and José María Muscari about their experiences with adoption. What he manages to open a real space to talk about what few are encouraged and put on the table a subject that is a huge slope in the country.
A wait that lengthens
In Argentina, More than 2200 children and adolescents today expect a family. And although the figure seems to be in balance with the number of people registered to adopt, the real problem is another: most adopters want to add their family babies or very young children, When about 80% of the boys in adoptability already exceeded 5 years. According to official data, less than 2% of applicants would be willing to adopt adolescents, and an even lower percentage accepts groups of brothers or boys with disabilities. The gap between adult expectations and children’s reality leaves hundreds of them with few opportunities to be chosen. To that is added another worrying fact: The number of people who register to adopt fell more than 60% in the last five years. Thus, the wait becomes doubly uncertain for those who have already passed too many years without a family.
From the Argentine Network for adoption, Natalia Florido closely accompanies the stories of those who seek to adopt and also that of the boys who still expect. Although it recognizes a slight openness in recent years (more consultations, interest and visibility), numbers are still eloquent: The majority continues to dream of a baby, while the average age of those who are adopting between 8 and 12 years. Many, even are already teenagers. “No boy should grow up thinking it’s too late to have a family,” says Florido. But the wait, in many cases, becomes long and silent.
The challenge, counts, is not only to expand adoptive availability, but to change the logic with which the process is thought. “It’s not about the family to choose the child, but to find a family that can house the story of that child,” he explains. For that, real adults are needed, available, with the capacity for support and emotional openness. It also takes accompaniment, because building links with boys who have already lived institutionalizations or binding ruptures is not the same as raising from the beginning. Therefore, from the network they offer containment groups, personalized orientation and listening spaces. The key is not to erase the past, but learn to build from there.
Choose and be chosen
“There is An installed idea that if one adopts a big child will end badlywho are boys with more wounded, with more traumas. But it is not always the case, ”says Sofía Paz, social psychologist, director and founder of the Coexipencial Household A post on the road. For years, the institutionalization and adoption processes of boys who lived complex situations have closely accompanied. “The important thing is not what the child brings, but what process could do to heal, and what information and tools the family that receives it to integrate that story has,” he says.
One of the great challenges, according to her, is to change the approach: stop thinking that the past must be erased to start from scratch and understand that the child’s history is part of the link. Therefore, in their home they work with the key idea that boys can also feel an active part of the process. “We tell you something like: ‘Juan and Paula want to meet you to see if you want to choose them as parents.’ It looks like a detail, but everything changes,” he explains. That minimum gesture returns agency, belonging, possibility of real link.
The same goes for prejudices about trauma: there is no evidence that a older child has more difficulties than a small one. But what does make the difference is accompaniment. And at that point, the system fails. According to data from the Board of Children and Adolescents, 45.5% of the children in preadptive guard are restored to the system. The reason? Lack of preparation, support networks, spaces where to learn to be a family for a big child. Because the reality is that once parents adopt, the State does not accompany them in the least.
Learn to trust
In adoption processes, especially when it comes to older children, it is not enough: it is necessary to preparation, accompaniment and a deep understanding of what it means to house a story that has already begun. Adriana Reaño, a degree in psychopedagogy, a specialist in the forensic approach and university professor, raises it: “The arrival of an adoptive family is not just good news. It is also a deeply mobilizing experience that implies accepting what was not, transiting duels, resignifying history and opening up to new possibilities.”
Since their role, Reaño works with boys who have gone through situations of violation of rights and who often reach adoption with fragmented school trajectories, linked difficulties or distrust of adults. “The challenge is to trust again,” he says. “Understand that there are different adults, with other forms of care, and that it is possible to build new ties.” For that, the game appears as a fundamental tool, since it not only allows to meet and share, but enables a space where fears loosen and rehearse new ways of being in relation.
But there is also a system responsibility: “It is key that technical teams share clear, respectful and complete information about the boys. That act, often underestimated, can make a difference in how a link begins.” And the same applies to families. Do not idealize or assume, be available to observe, listen and sustain. Because although it is true that many times it is afraid of being late (the first words, the first steps), there are also first times that only occur in adolescence: the first shared vacations, the first achievements in common, the first gestures of trust. “And what is built from truth and tenderness leaves a mark,” concludes the specialist.
Adopting a big child is not a heroic gesture or an impossible task. It is a decision that, with accompaniment and will, can change the lives of all involved.
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