THEPsychotherapy improves life. Many characters from the world of entertainment have taught us: From Belen to Stefano De Martino, from Angelina Jolie to Federica Pellegrini, up to the former Ferragnezwho even have filmed couple therapy. To all of them, and many other illustrious colleagues, the merit of having cleared the concept that you can (and should) attend the study of the psychotherapist even in the absence of serious problems. So including it is good, a question still remains unsolved: when is it time to stop?
A relationship in all respects
«A therapy It is in all respects a relationship And as such it has a beginning, an evolution and, sometimes an end. But Closing is not an event that can be decreed by the therapistif not in exceptional cases, such as his retirement, if he has undergone a mourning or an accident. It is up to the patient to recognize when “I’m fine, I don’t come anymore”. It is not escape, but a conquest. The important thing is to understand when the time has come to let your therapist go and continue alone. A question as delicate as necessary, which involves deep emotional dynamics and one of the oldest fears: that of abandonment. On how to leave the therapist, a book was also written, “The words to say” by Marie Cardinal», Explain the Dr. Marinella Cozzolinopsychotherapist, clinical sexologist.
Psychotherapy: how and why it started
“Very often To understand how and why the therapy will end, it is necessary to understand why it has started: out of need, out of curiosity, out of desire for support or why “everyone does it”? There are those who choose the therapist moved by curiosity, perhaps after seeing him on TV. In cases like this it can be a beautiful but shallow path and it will therefore be easier to abandon it quickly. Many instead They go to the therapist as they go to the gym: to maintain their well -beingbut also to get to know each other better and have a “map” of its inner mechanisms. Some remain in therapy for years and years, also overcoming ten, finding a safe place in the room of therapy where they “throw up” non -digested emotions. And to the question: “How long does a therapy last?”, The most honest answer from the therapist is: “I don’t know”. It depends on who the person is, what he lives on, on how many emotional blocks he meets along the way. I can also be a series of events that can modify everything: a pregnancy, a mourning, a new job. All this affects the duration », continues the expert.
The therapeutic alliance: true care
«What really cares is the relationship that is built, theTherapeutic alliance. In the therapist you have to find an accomplicea person with whom to know he can speak without judgment, hearing he always finds an open door, strong arms capable of lightening his weight. Not with all specialists, however, this link is created. Sometimes it is simply not the right therapist for us. You can choose a woman thinking that it will be more empathetic, when maybe the problem is a unresolved paternal absence. Or we rely on a very young or very adult therapist because it gives us the illusion of control, but does not really correspond to our deep need. In these cases, it is not the therapy that fails, it is the relationship that is not the right one. It is therefore essential to find the person who makes us feel comfortable In order to open a part of us closed to several sent, “underlines Dr. Cozzolino.
A path to independence
«Psychotherapy It can involve a certain form of dependence, but should not be understood as something negative or pathological. It is the same dependence that a child has towards the mother and it is from there that the path towards autonomy starts. The final purpose of therapyIndeed, It is precisely to make independenthelping the person walking with their own legs, after using the therapeutic “stick”. Sometimes, however, they exist “Secondary advantages” in using that stick, how to be understood, welcomed, receive a smile. It is therefore possible that in these cases we tend to prolong the therapy for fear of not being able to do well without, not to live in full. Instead, there are signs that inform us that the psychotherapeutic path can be said to be concluded. It is a bit like with psychotropic drugs: when the patient forgets them several times, it means that all in all they are no longer needed and you can start climbing them. In psychotherapy, however, We start by forgetting the appointments, getting late, thinking that with that money you could do anything else. They are all symptoms that the need is fading. Even unconsciously, it is perceived to be able to do it », reassures the expert.
Psychotherapy: if it does not give anything anymore
«The therapy it can reach a stall point. Sometimes because you feel you have received enough, others Because too painful themes are starting to tackle, which destabilize. A frequent example is the relationship with parents, which may seem “wonderful” on the surface, but which can hide traumatic experiences, such as even abuse or violence never verbalized. But If the patient is not ready to tell, no therapist can “cure with intuition”. Furthermore, We do not always remain with the same professional for the whole path. A therapist cannot accompany the patient beyond the point where he himself arrived in his own personal evolution. Changing therapist, therefore, can be an appropriate choice, not a betrayal. Today, with the advent of online therapy, it is possible to choose professionals also very distant geographically. But be careful: If we rely only on the image seen on TV or on social media, we risk boycott us “concludes Dr. Cozzolino.
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