His life stands still. While his maid continues, Wubbema is rehabilitating. His thoughts go in all directions, suddenly there is time to think. “The nightmares, sleeping anxes, fears on the street. I came home with heart palpitations.” Why here, but not in Iraq? “I thought. And then the penny fell: I had a weapon with me 24/7. Maybe I should have a weapon in my pocket to feel safe. That was the thought.”
Wubbema realizes what a bizarre line of thought that is. His complaints are increasing, his will to live decreases. He seeks help.
He is sent through the Ministry of Defense along all kinds of aid agencies, from social service to the MGGZ (military mental health care). Gradually the concept of PTSD already falls. And that too is a trigger for Wubbema.
Because suddenly there is the realization: “If I can’t stay a military, what does my life look like? And if I get the PTSD stamp, who still wants me?” He does everything he can to be declared healthy, and that succeeds. Running away for the PTSD is still in full swing at that time.
In 2007 he gets a relationship and he becomes the father of two sons. His family does not know him from before the PTSS time, but they notice that dad can sometimes react a little crazy.
“They sometimes found me difficult to fathom, a bit withdrawn. But sometimes very present again.” There is no question of picking up, the PTSD is bubbling up again in full force. It provides sleepless nights, in which Wubbema is wide awake and bathed in bed. It is then about sixteen years after his first mission.
Wubbema no longer attracts it and is in line with the Veteran Foundation. He forwards him to the trauma center in Beilen for intensive treatment. The so -called walls around him are crumbling, he shows more emotions again and the traumas fade slightly.
“That made me worse. At home it became heavier, there they had quite a hard time occasionally. Fortunately we were well accompanied by that.”
After years of running away, Wubbema now really gets the PTSD stamp. ADHD is also determined. If he receives medication for that, he notices a lighting. “I had never experienced that. Because of that medication I have room to put things into perspective. Things come in less quickly, so I have more room to think: dude, there is nothing wrong.”
“It is going pretty well now,” Wubbema is shining. Of course, he still has problems. He says he sometimes responds briefly through the bend. “Especially at home, because the home front feels safe.”
“You have PTSD for life, I am drawn. But I better get along with it. Music is a good outlet valve.” And that appears, the Coevorder Veteran writes his own songs about his experiences. Sometimes sensitive, but also rock hard rap he does not shy away.
According to Wubbema, talking is one of the keywords. He therefore wants to Eye Opener serve for others with PTSD. Young and old, military or non-military, everyone who wants to hear his story, he wants to tell. “Don’t hide, as I did. That costs way too much energy. Let you help and talk.”