WILL YOU BECOME THE FACE OF THE NATIONAL NITROGEN CRISIS?
Due to a temporary impasse in the implementation of intended policy and a general ‘bad atmosphere’ in the country, we are immediately looking for a SENIOR MEDIATOR (M/F)†
What your job entails:
• As a Senior Mediator you are responsible for establishing open, smooth communication between DESPERATEheavily emotional farmers and the cabinet, which will ultimately simply implement the presented plans in broad terms.
• You are the point of contact for representatives from the agricultural sector, in particular Agrifirm, ForFarmers and the De Heus family.
• You work as POLITICAL BUFFER intended to relieve the pressure a bit in the coming weeks.
• Every now and then you sit down with Mariëlle Tweebeeke (or – if she doesn’t want to – with Tijs van den Brink or Sven Kockelmann) to discuss the progress of the consultation (or enter into a debate with a farmer or with Joost Eerdmans and GERARD JOLING – if he happens to be sitting at the table too.
What we are looking for:
• You can build bridges between spin doctors and compound feeds. Is enthusiastic about outdoor air and suspended ceilings, and has a 9-to-5-nor a 05.00-to-12.30 mentality.
• Of course you like to stand with your paws in the mud again.
• You work independently as a national symbol for the nitrogen crisis, but you are also prepared to fade into the background when the PRIME MINISTER that suits.
• You love FOOD and has a good basic knowledge of Microsoft Windows and MS Office.
• You are able to select the Minister of Agriculture, Nature and Food Quality Henk Staghouwer, possibly after consultation, from a line-up of three nondescript men.
• In the event of equal suitability, preference is given to candidates in possession of a DRIVEWAY that is spacious enough for a (temporary) police house, but also not so spacious that there is also room for many tractors.
• No children is a plus. If children, preferably no pussy’s.
• Prefer none FEMALE (emotional). Think type Cees Veerman and if he does not want, type Stef Blok.
• You are willing to listen to people ‘who certainly do not approve of violence’, BUT then say something about it.
• You love ANIMALS but again not that much.
• You have a broad idiom of EUFEMISMEN for peasant violence and tries to keep the atmosphere somewhat manageable with words such as ‘rioters’, ‘riots’ and ‘restless’.
• You watched the debate last week and have since wondered how long you could theoretically spend looking at a possible PODCAST with Dilan Yesilgöz (VVD) and Gideon van Meijeren (FVD) could listen.
What we offer:
• A rather exciting work environment.
• A view of a fortnightly live press conference with the ministers involved and Irma Sluis (or that other boring person that nobody knows).
CAROLINE VAN DER PLAS
• Permanent personal protection.
