“Everything has to be perfect, it is my responsibility,” those are the words I hear in my head every day. The structure, the rigidity, the obligation to comply with the established deadlines, are current currency in the profession. A part of my personality comfortably adjusts to that system. But what happens when my own voice that demands constant perfection? The effects of the self -demand, of that very high stick that I put myself, begin to move to my body; The pulsations are accelerated, I am missing the air, I begin to see only darkness, and to lock myself in my own “dead end”.
I work with numbers, which is something that I love, with norms, with laws. Defending and taking care of the interests of others as their own. I want to keep consciously and sometimes consciously the image of the “perfect accountant”, the one who knows everything, the one that resolves, the one that is not wrong, the one that responds quickly, the one that has everything under control, which meets everything and more. I want to be faithful to an ideal, which is apparently harmless, but that becomes a double -edged sword; At some point I am locked up, without air, in the dark, and I do not allow me to say “I can’t with everything, I don’t know everything.”
And it is at that time that wear begins, exhaustion, questioning if “I am doing things well”, if that really is the way. And it is not for the work itself if not because of that very high ideal that I impose and that perhaps nobody asked me to comply. My body and my emotions answer my questions, without stating words and contradicting those I hear in my head. I am not feeling peace, what a clearer signal than that!
The same thing may be happening to you, and you are not necessarily an accountant, I suggest that if you cannot leave alone this swirl of thoughts and demand you seek help. Through therapy, meditation, yoga, dance, what resonates you. The most important thing is to recover your inner peace, everything is accommodated if you find it again. Searching for help is also loving you.
And these words may be clear, although I am not telling you from a resolved place. I am also on the way to lower the demand, to allow myself to be responsible without being rigid, to put limits without guilt, to say this I do not know. And to listen to the compassionate voice inside me that drives me to understand that being a professional is not only about fulfilling tasks, but also to take care of myself and treat me with love.
Loving you in all areas of your life is the only way to be authentic and stop your true version.
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www.contoralauragomez.com
Photos: Ariel Gómez
by contentnoticias
