«NI intend to give you advice but make available a scientific and practical heritage that will be able to improve your possibility of making it». This promises Daniele Novarapedagogist and counselor, in the introduction of his new book: Springs! Educate teenage children and find the right distance to make them grow up (BUR Parenting). In other words, to parents who remained without a compass in front of children who no longer recognize, “challenging” kids, who do not listen and often respond very badly, Novara provides a compass, to “know a new location of your parental role”.
Educating teenage children? Daniele Novara’s method in the new book Springs!
Before delivering its techniques to fathers and mothers beyond the edge of a nervous crisis, Novara enumera the misunderstandings in which many fall. Like intimacy, or the claim that children keep the same communicative promiscuity they had when they were small. Not surprisingly, among the most ineffective myths of adolescent management, Professor quotes dialogue: «A measure learned Compared to the force that a boy at fourteen can put in a chasm to defend his life ».
Less dialogue and zero “explain”
Words and explains are attempts to keep them tight, but The excess of closeness – when he succeeds – is among the recurring causes of various disorders. “A desire to confirm that causes a blockage in growth is induced.”
The goal of the book is then Learn to manage our boys and girls by staying them away. As? The book offers an articulated method, but it is also full of pills, useful for changing the point of view on everyday-child everyday life. The most practical chapter is the one dedicated to techniques for “Building opportunities for communication of a non -purely dialogical nature But operational and practical ».
From the “cat technique” to “active silence”: techniques for parents of teenage children
For example? The cat technique. If in childhood the parents-child relationship is comparable to that with the dog (the child depends on the adult and tends to be sticking to him), when his son is a teenager “the cat enters the scene” (which is conquered avoiding to buffer him but Waiting for him sitting in an armchair). Technique centered on the principle of waiting, creates displacement. An opportunity for ithe parent who recalls the child without result for recalibrate one’s educational position.
Another possibility is what Novara (since 2014) calls del Active silence. It is not a punishment or blackmail. It is not a retaliation or an emotional reaction. Simply “it provides for communicating communication” provisionally, with the exception of service communications on daily organizational tasks. Is a sort of red traffic light, to report that there was a trespassing (And it is also good with children, the so -called “tyrannics”).
The method in extreme synthesis is therefore less screaming and scolded but also Less explains and “peer confidences”. And more service communications, I listen without comment and active silences. We can do it.
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