A fan posted online that he left a Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds show early because he got “too emotional” during “Into My Arms.” Well has Nick Cave replied to this fan personally – his words are no less moving.
“We heal by acknowledging our emotions and testing the resilience of our hearts by dwelling in the unbearable.”
The fan reached out to Cave via his online blog, The Red Hand Files, and confessed to the singer that he was so moved by a live performance of “Into My Arms” that he had to leave the show early. According to the fan, the song – the first single from Cave’s tenth album with the Bad Seeds, “The Boatman’s Call” – reminded him of “the great times” he has and knows he had with an ex-girlfriend he “will never experience it again”.
Nick Cave comforts fan
In his response, Cave expressed his condolences to the fan and explained how often during live performances he notices the intense emotions fans feel for his music.
“Live music is a ritual that evokes a shared emotional response to which we connect our unique experiences,” says Cave. “When I’m on stage, I can see these unique and special feelings on everyone’s face. That’s one of the great privileges of being a lead singer, and that’s why I spend so much time close to the audience. I love watching the emotions on people’s faces – joy, sadness, longing, laughter, fear, anger.”
The musician further explains: “The concert becomes powerfully and sensitively transactional when we experience the therapeutic nature of music together. As the show progresses, a back-and-forth of kindness is created, fueled by our mutual appreciation, and healing begins.”
Nick Cave also urged the fan to embrace the emotions that arise and process them instead of trying to avoid them. “A live concert can be overwhelming, even frightening, because its emotional power can suddenly bring our deepest experiences to the surface. But feelings are there to be felt – that’s what they’re there for. We heal by acknowledging our emotions and test the resilience of our hearts by dwelling in the unbearable. Music can help us with this. We discover that our hearts are much stronger than we thought and that what we thought was unbearable wasn’t so bad. Music brings out these subterranean feelings and at the same time saves us from them.”
Finally, he also assured the fan that the “great times” may be behind him, but there are still many more positive experiences waiting for him. “I’m happy that you came to the concert in Birmingham, but I think that by leaving earlier it was a missed opportunity” – the healing effect on the fan was not able to unfold.
“I understand that it must be painful to feel that these ‘fantastic times’ are behind you, but they are not, there are many more to come. There will be more heartbreak, but hearts grow stronger,” Cave added. “We must not shy away from our feelings. We have to face them. They practice. Get better. To paraphrase Samuel Beckett – hurt, hurt again, hurt better. That’s one of the opportunities live music offers us – to hurt and heal at the same time. My advice? Go back out. Live life to the fullest – and stay for the whole damn show. It’s amazing.”