Among the concepts that neuroscience provides, I tend to emphasize the one that maintains that our thoughts condition our feelings and these support our behaviors.
According to Wayne Dyer, American psychologist and writer, when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
If we transfer it to our personal relationships, the bias of our gaze is key to defining the way we approach dealing with others.
Throughout much of my journey leading the people management area, I have often heard phrases like: you can’t talk to this person… In those cases, I usually asked myself: Could it be that it can’t be done or what can’t? However, on several occasions, that person who “could not be talked to” through a deep conversation became a collaborative and fundamental being for the team.
I ask then: Who achieves this change?do they do magic?
This is probably how someone who has not been able to have an effective conversation sees it, but generally finds it difficult to address a introspective look and attend to your own mental process to revisit your thoughts, perception and subsequent motivation.
I like to use as an image that each person has a door in their brain, and that the important thing is to find the key.
We usually mention the empathy as a common and habitual capacity in human behavior. It would be good to remember the main characteristics that define it: it is the ability of understand and share the feelings of others.
If we we focus in the conversation as a bridge, it is the possibility of establishing a genuine connection and effective with the other person; understand your needs and wants and build trust to influence your thoughts.
Seen this way, empathy does not seem to be a capacity that appears as something common and habitual. It combines a series of aspects that must be presented in the behavior to demonstrate that it is counted on: active listening, authenticity, a gesture that accompanies the generation of an exchange without judgment, seeking to understand the other’s perspective and finding common points.
A while ago, I heard it said: only an educated mind can understand a thought different from its own without needing to accept it. I think it sums up the mix of skill and appreciative attitude that is required to develop empathy.
It’s not magic.
* Raúl Lacaze is a Partner at Backer & Partners, Master in Sociology and Coach specialized in Human Resources and Cultural and Digital Transformation
by Rául Lacaze
