Lullaby, a peacetime luxury. Fulvio Scaparro

A very specific project

First of all I was sure I had achieved a career spurt in the family hierarchy. From an old husband and father to a brand new grandfather, one expects a leap in the consideration of family members, if only because, it has always been said, children love the company of their grandparents. At least as long as they are small. Furthermore, I could be of some use to the women of the family, mothers and grandmothers, in alleviating to a small extent the great workload that comes with the arrival of a newborn.

Fairy tales, fairy tales and lullabies

Knowing me as a lover of fairy tales and fablesI thought I could be close to Olivia at the time of falling asleep. I had already prepared a presence program next to the baby immediately after one of the numerous feedings, when Olivia, now full, is inclined to close her eyes and the mother can take care of other things in the certainty that the baby is in good hands, mine.

The perfect setting for the lullaby

I had already prepared the setting: the room in dim light and well ventilated, a chair for me next to the cradle, a playlist of lullabies played at a very low volume. Settings, playlist and soon body guard are English terms I use to convince you that they are up to date.

The whole, soft lights and musical backgroundwould have created a nightclub atmosphere in the room without the sinful implications of a nightclub.

Cuddles and caresses with the golden retriever at home

The masterful touch would have been the presence, lying next to me, of Brandy, the gorgeous golden retriever of the house, self-appointed body guard of Olivia, with whom I have a relationship of complicity. He loves that I massage him behind his ears and knowing that, like Olivia, when he’s full he tends to fall asleep, I pass him a few pieces of dry bread every now and then. Full and massaged he would have kept me company with his quiet snoring.

Once everything was sorted out, I would have given vent to my imagination by telling, keeping my voice low and slightly chanting, stories suited to the tender age of the creature. No fairy tales and classic tales, no recordings, much less video recordings, no readingsbut only oral transmission of what the heart and mind would have suggested to me.

I must tell you that I have noticed a certain distrust around my little program on the part of my loved ones. At the moment I have not yet received permission to experiment with it.

Lullaby: alternatives of fathers (and grandparents)

I think some suspicion arose in them reading what I wrote years ago in one of my books (The antispocchia, Milan, Bompiani, 2015). Here is an excerpt to document you on the birth of a prejudice.

“When, many years ago, I became a father, my baby had to listen to me for months in a row while I moaned, accompanying me on the guitar, Summertimeconvinced as I was that the text transmitted to the baby values ​​as important as If by Kipling.

To demonstrate his access to the symbolic, after the thirtieth execution of the masterpiece by Gershwin, it was enough for me to walk into the room with the guitar, for my son to fall into a deep sleep, or to pretend to. In cases of obstinate sleep deprivation, reading the texts of my lectures also worked wella practice that I soon stopped because it seemed more punishing than reassuring.

Tradition upset by the fathers

In many meetings with friends I learned of other episodes of paternal narrative persistence. A more masculine than feminine habit because mothers, as the word itself implies, are more maternal, reluctant to attempt untested experiments and in favor of traditional lullabies.

One of these fathers claimed that it was his son who made him sing every night Banana Boat in the manner of Belafonte. Another reported that her little girl fell asleep to the soft singing of Red flag swearing that he was also holding his left fist. His father did not hide his indignation for having to change repertoire after the intervention of the kindergarten teachers who had reported the early politicization of the little girl, especially during the afternoon nap. Two twins were given massive doses of opera pieces, including a counterproductive one No sleep with his mouth closed that seems to have the power to make creatures fall into catalepsy on the spot and in unison.

Creative lullaby

Other innocent poor people, according to the testimonies collected, preferred to fall asleep rather than listen inspired Ave Maria in the double version of Gounod and Schubert, exhumations of evergreen songs, the most recent of which seems to have been a harrowing interpretation of My little one, come back to your dad …, anarchist songs, work songs of the mondine, blues considered depressing even by a slave Alabama black, gospel, military marches, Gregorian chants and even an entire Navajo initiation ceremony with solo father as the shaman and mother percussion with rattles and drums bought for a few dollars along with mirrors and necklaces during the honeymoon in Arizona.

What really matters

Despite all this, those children remained close to their parents and grandparents, grateful for the evening time dedicated to them. This shows that what matters most is to have beside the bed, before going to sleep, not the TV or a recorded fairy tale but someone in the flesh who loves us and does what he can to let us know “.

As I would like to do with the little program described above to accompany Olivia to sleep. If you confuse ‘grandfather’ with ‘sleep’ when you say the first few words, I will not be offended in fact I will consider it a success.

What is Associazione GeA, Parenti Ancora

Fulvio Scaparropsychologist and psychotherapist, is the founder ofGeA Associationfor 30 years committed to supporting couples in crisis through family mediation.

“In 1987, by founding the GeA Genitori Ancora Association, we began to work on a project full of utopia: dealing with conflicts, especially family conflicts, not only as destructive events but also as opportunities for growth and transformation of relationships. Help the parents in separation to regain trust, hope, understanding and mutual recognition. Spread a culture of mediation from which results of great usefulness can derive not only for individuals but for the whole community in terms of pacification of social relations and trust in personal and community resources.

Over the years we have found many fellow travelers endowed with courage, optimism, profound awareness that, in school as in the family, in the company as in institutions, there is an increasing need for mediators who help the parties to negotiate, to to look farther than an eventual immediate victory, to seek alternative solutions to a head-on collision.

Above all, a long and fruitful journey of practice and reflection was made not only on how, when, in which areas to mediate, but also and above all why it is worth mediating “.

To contribute to Fulvio Scaparro’s commitment to pacifying family relationships, it is possible:

• join theAssociation GeA Parents Ancòra www.associazionegea.it (annual membership fee € 50.00)
• by paying a donation of more than € 50.00
• by placing your signature in the box “support for voluntary work and other non-profit activities of social utility, social promotion associations and recognized associations and foundations operating in the sectors referred to in Article 10 paragraph 1 letter a of the Legislative Decree no. .469 of 1997 “present in all models to declare the income of individuals (Unnico, 730, CUD, etc.) and enter the tax code 97059120150).

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