When loving becomes a burden, love ceases to be refuge and becomes a task.
From outside, everything seems fine.
Paula is sitting in the armchair, a cup of coffee in hand, next to her partner. The scene is serene, almost postal. But if we could enter his mind, we would see another story: that of a woman who, even in love, fails to release control.
Paula wants a relationship where there is support, containment, deep connection. Dream of feeling chosen, seen, accompanied. But there is something that bothers him: he expects all that to arrive without having to ask for it. May the other intuy, read it between the lines, guess in their silences.
And when that doesn’t happen, he doesn’t say it. He hides and hardens.
Because for Paula – as for many self -examination women – asking. Ask for the feeling vulnerable, exposed, as if he fails something that should leave naturally.
For years he believed that true love should not be negotiated or explained. That if I had to ask, I was already losing. And without realizing it, he fell into his own trap: that of turning love into another task, in another space where he can demonstrate that he can with everything.
It weighs too much.
When self -examination sneaks into the couple, the relationship loses freshness. It becomes rigid. The link, which should be refuge, becomes a more territory to take exam.
And Paula, who wants to feel so much that she can rest in the other, ends up exhausted … and feeling alone.
The good news is that you don’t have to continue like this.
As coach and mentor in emotional relationships of self -ex -managing women, I accompany many as Paula to discover that Loving perfect is not loving more.
That real love does not need constant demonstrations of strength.
Than asking for what we need does not weaken the link, but makes it more human.
That being vulnerable is not a threat, but the bridge towards a more intimate union ..
Maybe that is the greatest act of self -love within a couple:
Stop demanding even loving.
Ask for what we expect, show what scares us and open the door to the imperfect.
There, where love becomes human, something new and precious appears: the relief of knowing is loved … just for being.
Promise me you’re going to try. You will see that everything changes, because I assure you that there is another way of living.
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By CEDOC
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