Eeffie: „Timo does at least as much in the household as I do. I would venture to say that he has changed more diapers in his life than I have. He is also much softer in nature and much more patient with the upbringing of our two daughters.” Timo: “I also clean, then I put on loud metal music – and go. Since Eefje became self-employed, we have cut back on the cleaning lady. And when we go out with friends, it usually goes like this: they’re drinking coffee and I’m playing with the kids. They sometimes call me ‘The Nanny’.”
Eefje: “Timo is the ideal father.”
Timo: „We know each other from hardcore punk parties in Brabant and Antwerp, which we both visited regularly, in our early twenties. I was very shy, Eefje was not. In that regard, we seemed like a total mismatch. But I liked her and I showed it.”
Eefje: „I wrote Timo another letter. That I liked him, but that I wasn’t ready for it. He then left for London for a year. That was, I think, in the summer of 2001. We did keep in touch, via MSN, email and phone.”
Timo: „Eefje then came to visit me in London, with a Peter Langhout bus trip: up and down in 24 hours. So she arrived in London in the morning after a night upright on the bus.”
Eefje: “That day was quite uncomfortable. We revolved around each other. Timo didn’t dare to kiss me. And then, just before I got back on the bus, I kissed him.”
Timo: “Maybe it was naive of me, but I really didn’t know if she liked me enough to kiss. So I did nothing.”
Eefje: „After that kiss in London we started a relationship. We did a lot of fun things before we started having kids. For example, we once cycled through South-East Asia together.”
Timo: „We never shouted: this is love for life! We just had fun together. That has been going on for 22 years now.”
Eefje: “I sometimes have a crush on someone else.”
Timo: “Me, too.”
Eefje: “It has happened to me before, three times already.”
Timo“Then I always say: it will pass by itself. Haha.”
Eefje: “Precisely because we can talk about it, it does not go wrong. We trust each other because we are honest. And indeed, it always passes.”
Timo: “If I were really pissed off, it would go off the rails sooner. Then it becomes such a power thing. Now I put the responsibility on her. I just say: you have to solve this yourself in your head.”
Eefje: „I always fall for men who are the opposite of Timo. Very energetic, fierce men. For example, I once met someone on Oerol, a man who lived on a houseboat, such a real sailor.”
Timo: “She always likes men with character traits that I don’t have.”
Eefje: “But with whom I would ultimately not want a relationship. If you’re both so dominant, it’s not going to work.”
Electric bicycles
Timo: “We live in Haarlem-Noord. It’s nice living here. A bit cuddly and well-behaved.”
Eefje: “It is really a bubble with white people. I sometimes regret that. But luckily some old Haarlemmers still live here.”
Eefje: „I worked in the film world for a long time as a producer of children’s films at Burny Bos. But Burny was getting older and wanted to sell his business. During the pandemic I decided to do something different: funeral supervisor. I had already made a documentary about that business. And in corona time someone in my area had died. Then I saw it again: that inconvenience that can accompany a funeral. I thought: you don’t have to, I can do this better. It can be a beautiful moment when you celebrate life and perform rituals together.”
Timo: “My passion is cycling. Cycling, mountain biking. When I was 12 I had my first mountain bike. Soon I will be cycling all over England in three days. And I recently started working at Enviolo, a company that makes rear hubs for electric bicycles. I work 36 hours and am home on Mondays.”
Eefje: “I basically work from home. But I can be summoned at any time, if someone has died. Fortunately, Timo is very flexible.”
Timo: “If possible, I will come home so that she can visit the family.”
Swimming lesson
Eefje: “When we got married in 2011, we added each other’s last name. After giving birth to our first child, I was in a complete mess. Timo then took a few weeks off.”
Timo: “That’s how I got off to a flying start with fatherhood.”
Eefje: “Our second daughter slept disastrously during the first few years. Timo spent all nights with her.”
Timo: “That was just the best for everyone.”
Eefje: “I need my sleep more, I can’t handle lack of sleep mentally.”
Timo: „I am someone of the here and now, like to do practical and physical things. That’s what I’m good at.”
Eefje: “I am more of the mind load, managing our family life. But I do the laundry, and I take care of the planning and organization of the household and family. Then I can schedule the swimming lessons on Monday, when Timo has the children. Because I really like swimming lessons.”
Timo: “I don’t mind so much.”
Eefje: “Timo is a huge feminist without even realizing it.”
Timo: “Whether people think I’m masculine? That does not interest me. It is clear that I am not typical alpha male am. And that’s good, because I’m already surrounded by pink stuff and toys from Frozen and so on.”
A version of this article also appeared in the newspaper of April 29, 2023.