“We can complain about another person’s arrogance, ignorance, or stupidity, without even considering the enormous flaws our character may harbor. This blind spot becomes evident in each of our friendship relationships. Without ever intending harm, our thoughtless actions hurt the people we love. “I am referring to casual rather than deliberate cruelty, although the consequences of these errors are equally harmful,” he said. David Robinson.
The author of the book “The Laws of Connection”, a renowned essay on social connection, referred to the calls “ambivalent relationships” in a report by the BBC. The term is linked to people who feel both warm and cold, which can even cause more damage to personal well-being than purely spiteful figures. The specialist recommended paying attention to a series of signs that identify these “toxic friends”.
In studies investigating “unpredictable” friendships, scientists asked participants to imagine turning to a friend for advice, understanding, or a favor. On a scale of 1 to 6, the researchers asked them to respond and rate the following questions: How useful is your connection?, and How disruptive is your connection? As a result, the inherent doubt about it was a serious source of stress. In another study, simply knowing that “ambivalent friends” were sitting in the next room was enough to raise participants’ blood pressure.
Another important aspect to keep in mind is knowing how to share appreciation. “Each of us is trapped in our own mind, but we overestimate how well others can read our emotional state, a phenomenon sometimes known as the illusion of transparency,” Robson explained, adding: “Of course, it is possible. “Our body language conveys our warmth and appreciation to others, but we can’t rely on it, which means we’d often do much better to put those feelings into words.”
An empathetic response can validate feelings, which relieves some of the stress. The most effective emotional support offers will often include encouragement or advice that helps them see their problems from a new perspective. In contrast, a toxic friend may be very dismissive or critical about feelings, resulting in a feeling of rejection that only increases the person’s emotional burden. “This tendency, which resembles that of a vulture that feeds on the emotions of others without helping them change their situation, constitutes another form of toxicity in friendships,” acknowledged the specialist.
Finally, one aspect is highlighted by Robson. The writer highlighted: “Empathy is equally important when sharing positive emotions. Compassion, which derives from the Latin “shared pain,” is well accepted as the foundation of friendship, but the importance of shared happiness is much less known. A supportive friend should respond actively and constructively: asking for more information, discussing the implications, and expressing his or her own joy or pride.”
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