Don the one hand we yearn for the stories of Bridgerton, on the other we struggle even just to look each other in the eyes and get to know each other in “reality”. On the one hand we dream of the love of a Duke or Viscount in sugary clothes, on the other hand even dating apps disappoint and we often prefer to be alone. How has love changed today and, above all, does romance still exist? Spoiler: yes, but it has become less romantic than in the past, more concrete and everyday but much more significant.
Honey, are we still romantic?
While on Netflix the fourth season of Bridgerton continues to gain viewing figuresall ready to make our hearts flutter from that “Dear Dear Readers” and from the story between Benedict and Sophie which we like more and more, in reality the romance seems to have been put on hold. Not that TV series have become the thermometer of society, however It’s curious how on TV people like romantic and sometimes fairy-tale stories while in reality all love has sometimes become a tiring “business”.
«First of all it is important to underline that these types of products work as “decompression”. They are moments of real break from a daily life made up of commitments, requests and very tight rhythms” explains the Dr. Alessandra Francesca Ferruccio, Clinical Psychologist, specializing in systemic-relational psychotherapy and expert in dealing with anxieties, stress and relationship difficulties within couples, who continues «The success of series of this kind can probably also be found in the methods of narrate some experiences such as the desire to feel seen and recognized. The emotional experience finds great centrality without the same practical pressures and complexities we experience in real life». Not by chance this type of television series mainly deals with the phase of falling in love. That is, basically the easiest and most beautiful moment of a relationship, when the partner is still perfect and every difficulty is seen as a test to be overcome for “true love”.
A narrative that sees love through “pink glasses”
Bridgerton&Co therefore likes them because they don’t show actual difficulties or everyday life that a couple must face: «The narrative tends to stop there, a crystallize in a phase that in reality is intense and important to create rapprochement and cohesion, but is also transitory. In the next phase, that of the most conscious choice, the idealization is reduced, leading to the perception of the other as a distinct subject, with limits, fragility and differences. It is the moment in which the bond is measured with reality and requires negotiation, the ability to tolerate disillusionment, the willingness to build. Romantic narratives often avoid this step, because what matters is keeping the intensity of those initial sensations alive». A phase, that of everyday life, which however is difficult to find in TV series.
Reality is difficult to contemplate in front of the camera. If in the TV series there is great tension, also and above all sexual, if feeling often prevails and wins, if these series usually have the classic happy ending, in reality it is not exactly like that: «We have to deal with the complexity of reality. And this requires awareness and the search for balance. In relationships, passion and initial attraction are very important, but not sufficient in themselvesbecause to remain as a couple we must take into consideration a series of factors such as compatibility, sharing of values and objectives and the ability to face challenges and conflicts together” explains the doctor. In this context, romance is therefore approached in a different way: if in a TV series it is essential and experienced as all-encompassing, in reality it is integrated into everyday life and the concrete and mutual needs of both. And here is the difference.
Feelings change, but romance remains
From this perspective, Romanticism has therefore not disappeared but it is different both from the past and from TV series. In reality love and romance are less all-encompassing, blatant and with fewer grand declarations but this does not take away their magic: «It can certainly be said that today’s romanticism does not take on the conventional forms we can imagine. Contemporary romanticism is perhaps less dramatic, has fewer grand declarations and it is based more on the idea of presence, care, attention to the needs of others and shared assumption of responsibility, in a more discreet formbut equally significant. Less theatricality but certainly more presence and concreteness.”
Love in the times of our society
A change that also reflects that of love in our society. Today marriage is a choice and is no longer an obligatory step neither for women nor for men. Because of this, Today’s relationships tend to be based more on feelings and less on “we must”. From this perspective, expectations towards love, and also towards romance, also change: «From a relational point of view, the expectations one has towards a partner have also changed. We are not just looking for someone to share a project with, but a person who knows how to recognize us in our identity and uniqueness, support it without invading it, tolerate differences. This certainly requires a continuous negotiation of balances within the relationship.”
In other words, if in the past one was forced to marry, now there are fewer impositions from the outside. The economic independence achieved by many people, especially women, already allows them to truly marry for love or to separate if and when necessary. «The relationship thus becomes a space to to build together and to renegotiate day by day. Satisfaction is measured by the quality of the connectionon the ability to share moments and experiences, staying together by choice and not by obligation. For this reason love and romance have changed in reality but it is not true that they no longer exist, on the contrary. They have become less dramatic and perhaps for this reason more real.” This is why we like and entertain the feelings described by Bridgerton and similar TV series: because they are theatrical and make our hearts beat. But, in fact, they are just entertainment.
