When it comes to ‘elderly people in society’, you sometimes hear that they are selfish boomers with misplaced morals who are not flexible at all, have only experienced growth, live in large paid-off houses, have a big mouth and zero self-reflection – with their war, parties for the elderly, world travel and that stupid gray hair in such a theater.
I think that’s too easy.
I have been respectful towards the elderly all my life. Counting to ten when they get stuck in the left lane again, reading up on stair lifts and mobility scooters, being understanding about the loss of the Douwe Egberts value points, honoring their wisdom. But recently even I thought for a moment: ‘geez’.
Then I read in a message from CBS that in 2025 for the first time Since 1900, there have been more people over 65 than under 20 in our country, and that the share of people over 80 will increase from 5 percent in 2024 to more than 10 (!) percent around 2050. The gray wave that we have been preparing for for so long , is now really going to overwhelm us.
No reason to panic at all, of course. Give me an arena full of elderly people, anytime, instead of an arena full of football hooligans. I also think it would be wonderful to all snore to the end together.
But I think it is wise to formulate a few general rules of life for people over 65. When you are in the majority, that comes with responsibility. It is also useful to prevent irritation, and useful for ourselves in ten or twenty years. That we already know somewhat what is expected of us. Yes, right? They come.
1 Stop ‘just like that’ – nowadays it’s called ‘random’ – calling people. Send an app first. If someone doesn’t answer right away, it doesn’t mean they’re dead. Maybe they are busy with something. Remember when you had a job yourself, and things? Well, like that.
2 If you are going to tell a story, don’t come up with a sweeping overall report, but try to introduce some relevance. So not: “Do you remember Henk, from three doors away? Who lived here for six months 38 years ago? No? With that woman with blond hair, and that dog. Still not? Well, he’s dead.” But: “I saw two great tits in the garden today,” “have you heard that new hit from K3 – those girls just keep going!”, or: “I heard that PSV has not put Pepi in the starting line-up again.”
3 In every conversation, adhere to the rule that a maximum of three deaths may be reportedfive cases of illness (of which a maximum of two serious) and no more than ten minutes of complaining about aches and pains. Deceased persons must be demonstrably known by at least two conversation partners. For every comment about hip surgery, cataract treatment or knee replacement, at least one question must be asked to the younger conversation partner.
4 Pay at the regular cash register. The self-scan is prohibited, with your delay. Have your pass ready. So don’t endlessly open that bag and ask ‘where is that pass?’ while there is a queue.
5 Make sure you stay healthy. Eat vegetables, drink enough, and go to the gym at least twice a week. Delay the stair lift as long as possible. Stronger muscles mean fewer falls and fewer broken hips. Necessary for when there will soon be no more informal caregivers, and hardly any care at all.
6 Make sure your hearing aid is properly adjusted! Hello. That someone doesn’t have to tell the whole story again because you were fiddling with your threads. Before you answer your landline phone, untangle the cord. So that you don’t hear an unintelligible crackle during the first thirty seconds.
7 Charge your landline device. So it doesn’t cut out after two minutes and we think you’re dead on the ground. And charge your mobile, take it with you and: turn it on!
8 Improve your English. You don’t have to say ‘save the date’, ‘sacrifice’ and ‘challenge’, but ‘Joej Jork’ is really no longer possible.
9 Don’t talk about your new girlfriend all the time. And that the sex is so good. TMI. Google ‘TMI’.
10 Boost your mobility scooter. Six kilometers per hour is really too slow on the cycle path. Tape paper arrows with ‘forward’ and ‘backward’ next to the correct buttons so you don’t make a mistake. See also point 11.
11 Wear a helmet and a light-up vest. Always. Also indoors. Then you will also be clearly visible there, and you will not forget them when you go outside.
12 Make a choice: was it better before, or not? If you keep saying: “We didn’t have oat milk in the Eurolog”, “we used to get at most one orange at Christmas”, or: “I had to go to the office every day”; then you cannot also say: “Everything was better in my time.”
13 Don’t grumble about woke. It is not normal that your cousin had to stay in the closet for sixty years. Say no more than once per conversation: “Everything is becoming so expensive,” “you used to arrange that with one phone call,” and “you can no longer order from a waiter.”
14 Keep to the right at all times. On the escalator, the highway and in the supermarket aisle. Do not travel during rush hour and stand up for other elderly people in public transport. Now that there are so many people over 80, you are often the youngest in the compartment!
15 Driving? Preferably not, but if there is no other option: LOOK first before you reverse. And driving on the 100 freeway.
16 Stop complaining about your pension. At least you still have one.
Not too bad, right?
That’s what I thought.