For years, Fabiana Jafif It was left for later. First were the social and cultural mandates, then motherhood, later the fault and the feeling that there was always something more urgent than herself. Until one day, her body stopped her at once and changed the question: what happens if that “after” never comes? Thus was born his first book, Do not leave for later (LEA Editions), a title that is part of intimate story, a roadmap part for those who feel that time is not enough, but they don’t know how to start recovering it. From his blog From mother to mother And his networks, Jafif has been promoting a conversation that brings together thousands of women today: talking about the B side of motherhood, of ambition without guilt, of the urgent need to prioritize.
News: How was it starting to live under this motto of “Do not leave for later”?
Fabiana Jafif: It is something I started telling me a long time ago. In those moments when I felt that I was always doing things for others, and when I had to do the place for what was important for me, such as going back to work, going to an event or doing some activity with my friends, the doubt and guilt always arose. Then came my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, and by accepting something that is not in my hands to change, I understood that I had to start prioritizing the things that are important to me.
News: Did you become your mantra?
Jafif: 100%. I started changing my mentality, my way of seeing life and time. It was a very bad person, always hurried, angry if I had to wait somewhere. I lived thinking “I’m wasting time.” And motherhood, and above all multiple sclerosis, they were like a slap. Because I stopped thinking “I can do it tomorrow”, which is a wrong concept because we don’t know what can happen tomorrow. I was thinking about this a lot, and when I started talking to my networks and my blog, I realized that the same happened to other women.
News: And he found a lot of echo.
Jafif: A lot. There are more and more women who are reflected. What I think is that nobody is encouraged to say that it feels like that, because they think they will be misconduct. What are they going to think if you leave your children and go on a trip with friends? Or if you decide not to breastfeed? It was a mix of many things that led to the same thing: we all said that we didn’t have time to do things we wanted, but it was because we were prioritizing others. And, at the same time, then we complained that we did not feel full, complete, happy. It is a vicious circle. I understood that, if I felt good, everything around me was going to flow. We were going to be much more balanced as a family. And also with myself, with my career, with my purposes.
News: Talk about motherhood as an entrepreneurship, how is that vision?
Jafif: Many people think that motherhood is simply part of life, which comes with the combo because you are a woman. But it is another venture, and it does not have to be the only one. Maternity is beautiful, possibly the prettiest venture than all the women we choose to live it, but it does not have to be the only thing that is part of our day.
News: Does the book condense a little all that was learning?
Jafif: The book is a personal story that made me reach a way of life that I would like many people to have. You will not find in me a victim or a guru. It is a real story, but hopefully nobody needs to wait for something strong to realize that time is finite. We are living a life thinking of doing, and the question is: are we doing because we want or why are we in autopilot? The book tells how I got to that introspective work to change my mentality, but there is also a lot of theory and exercises to be put into practice. It is a personal development book, because the idea is that you can grow with him.
News: Many years ago, when nobody talked to the B side of motherhood, created a blog that did. Because?
Jafif: It started at a hinge moment that I lived. I always worked in multinationals and I came from the world of digital marketing. Before becoming pregnant I was working for Google, the work of dreams for all of us who do this. And when I stayed, doubts began. First, the fear of telling it. Then think what I wanted to do. And when I had to return I received the diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. Something very unforeseen, but I returned anyway, and a month, after living that return, they changed my position, they put me people that I had trained above my, and ended up renouncing. Then I found the doubt what to do, and a few months I started with the blog with the aim of telling what was happening to my motherhood. At that time there were very few bloggers, perhaps some of older children, nothing first. And the world of networks began to grow, began to talk about the influencer world, brands began to be interested. I always pushed this of motivation, to talk about what happened to me and the non -instruction manual we receive when we became moms.
News: It has become a great diffuser of multiple sclerosis, how does it carry it personally?
Jafif: Multiple sclerosis attacks myelin, which is what sends the nerve impulse so that your body can do different actions, either walking, having sensitivity, talking, seeing, going to the bathroom. Some cases are more severe and progressive, everything depends on each person. I was diagnosed with optical neuritis, which is an inflammation in the eye. I went to see an ophthalmologist thinking that I had conjunctivitis and when they made me background, they urgently sent me to a neurologist. From there I went to the guard, where they ended up giving me a diagnosis of a disease that I had heard little and nothing, and what I had heard was the worst in the world. I remember that my greatest fear was not “I’m going to die”, but “I’m going to incapacitate.” Today is a disease that live quite naturally. I have good and bad days, thank God I do not have any visible sequel, although I have a hard time getting up in the morning, I have pain in my hands.
News: What forecast does the disease have?
Jafif: Multiple sclerosis has neither cause nor cure, it is not genetic or contagious, it is acquired. It is something that anyone can develop; It depends on different factors, it has a lot to do with the environmental. What does exist are different medications that shrink the possibility of having an outbreak. I go for the fourth, after having tried several. Because if an outbreak is awakened, an injury in the brain and marrow is generated. And that cannot be erased, they are like scars that are staying. There are things that one knows and understands that they are part of this diagnosis, but there are always two options in life: or be the protagonist and move on as one wants or put in the role of the victim, bedtime to look at the time to spend and expect a cure to arrive.
News: Did his eyes hurt?
Jafif: Yes, nobody wants to be vulnerable. Nobody wants to show that he lives with uncertainty every day, because it is like a bomb that is about to explode. The diffusion arose after I had an episode with my youngest daughter, when a person asked me why he didn’t give him the tit and I had to tell that I was medical for a disease he had. There was the first time that I told him publicly in my networks, and I had been from the blog for three years. Is that before I had not found for what. But we must understand that we all have something we deal with every day, that no one has the right to comment just because it is free.
News: In his book he addresses the concept of conscious productivity, what would be the difference?
Jafif: We all talk about productivity, but not to be aware of that productivity. It means understanding that being productive does not imply doing more or adding tasks or crossing items on the agenda, but be aware in relation to whether it is worth doing this, if you need to do it you, if it is a benefit that you choose to allocate your time is part of your life. It is a concept that leads to well -being from mental health. Understand what we do things and not do them by mandate. That your tasks do not generate discomfort. Being aware of our time gives us the tools to think about what we want to be productive.
News: Is it still frowned upon that women are ambitious and that’s why we leave for later?
Jafif: Yes, but there is something worse: sometimes it doesn’t happen so much about what others think but for what we think ourselves. That syndrome of the imposter of “I don’t deserve it”, how am I going to do time for me if I have to do other things? First you have to wake up and understand that you deserve it, that it is fine that you want to do for a while for you. And not to wait for someone to come and give you permission to do it. There is still much to work at a cultural and society level, but I think it is first an internal job.
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